Enjoy our gems of the month. š
#1:
Saw this sweet old man and his dope hat on the train today pic.twitter.com/2J7nrr5Bbf
— Mikale (@lilelonmusk) August 20, 2018
#2:
[FIRST DATE]
Her: Iām a vegan
Me: [*trying to impress her] People hate me too
— ā ļø Bonez ā ļø (@T_Bonezzz_) August 16, 2018
#3:
God: you nap 16 hours a day
Cat: love it
God: and youāre pretty much a killing machine
Cat: awesome
God: but youāre like 10lbs and humans wanna snuggle you
Cat: *angry glare* motherfu-
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) August 6, 2018
#4:
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my Word.
— djinn (@shhhitsokaynow) August 15, 2018
#5:
Doing my makeup on the train this morning and a random man told me he likes women to have a more natural look. I told him I like men to have a more silent look. ?āāļø
— Amy Fowler (@AmyAbroad) August 15, 2018
#6:
This. This is what friends are for. pic.twitter.com/mrCrWdn1Sc
— Platini ??ļø (@Platini_954) August 2, 2018
#7:
Welcome to Sarcasm Club. Nice shirt.
— Brother Sal (@delusions_of) August 9, 2018
#8:
Before eating, ask yourself, āAm I actually hungry? Or am I just bored?ā
Good news, eating will help both those things! Go get some cake you crazy scamp!— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) August 9, 2018
#9:
I call this part of the fridge āthe butterās penthouseā. pic.twitter.com/AlocMVqJxG
— Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) August 4, 2018
#10:
So we played DnD with my 11yo cousin yesterday and it was his first proper session
He had real bad luck with his dice rolls and HIS ELF JUST DIED
After a solemn pause looking over his character sheet
He writes "Jr" next to his name and proclaimes
"I AM HERE TO AVENGE MY FATHER"?— Niles (@River_Niles) August 1, 2018