Enjoy our gems of the month. 🙂
Saw this sweet old man and his dope hat on the train today pic.twitter.com/2J7nrr5Bbf
— Mikale (@lilelonmusk) August 20, 2018
Her: I’m a vegan
Me: [*trying to impress her] People hate me too
— ☠️ Bonez ☠️ (@T_Bonezzz_) August 16, 2018
God: you nap 16 hours a day
Cat: love it
God: and you’re pretty much a killing machine
God: but you’re like 10lbs and humans wanna snuggle you
Cat: *angry glare* motherfu-
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) August 6, 2018
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my Word.
— djinn (@shhhitsokaynow) August 15, 2018
Doing my makeup on the train this morning and a random man told me he likes women to have a more natural look. I told him I like men to have a more silent look. ?♀️
— Amy Fowler (@AmyAbroad) August 15, 2018
This. This is what friends are for. pic.twitter.com/mrCrWdn1Sc
— Platini ??️ (@Platini_954) August 2, 2018
Welcome to Sarcasm Club. Nice shirt.
— Brother Sal (@delusions_of) August 9, 2018
Before eating, ask yourself, “Am I actually hungry? Or am I just bored?”
Good news, eating will help both those things! Go get some cake you crazy scamp!
— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) August 9, 2018
I call this part of the fridge “the butter’s penthouse”. pic.twitter.com/AlocMVqJxG
— Mike Ginn (@shutupmikeginn) August 4, 2018
So we played DnD with my 11yo cousin yesterday and it was his first proper session
He had real bad luck with his dice rolls and HIS ELF JUST DIED
After a solemn pause looking over his character sheet
He writes "Jr" next to his name and proclaimes
"I AM HERE TO AVENGE MY FATHER"?
— Niles (@River_Niles) August 1, 2018