Have a nice evening with our daily tweets.
#1:
Flight Attendant: Help! Is there a doctor on board???
— Abam (@AdamBroud) January 29, 2017
Weird Aunt: *holding bottle of lavender essential oils* I have something even better
#2:
Either there’s a Netflix glitch or Marie Kondo’s methods have escalated. pic.twitter.com/NePMSTPc0C
— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) June 23, 2019
#3:
Please stop making new flavors of Coca-cola. Either put the cocaine back or leave it alone.
— ??????? ? (@adrianeisoverit) March 29, 2019
#4:
I tried to write “living my best life” but accidentally texted a friend “loving my vest life.” I hope they imagined me with a closet full of vests just thrilled to be alive and rich in vests
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) June 22, 2019
#5:
Twitter is fun because you get to be like, “Ducks are good” and someone in your mentions will go, “Um, I’m sorry but my brother is married to a duck scientist and this is a harmful view” and then someone else pops up going, “Your silence about horses is extremely telling”
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) June 7, 2019
#6:
2:00pm: Gonna save the other half of this sandwich for later
— Dylan Farella (@dfarella) February 5, 2019
2:06pm: Time to finish that sandwich
#7:
Me: I won't make it. Go on without me.
— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) October 11, 2016
Her: It's a toe cramp
M: But I'm covered in some kind of clear blood
H: That's sweat
M: Tell my story
#8:
Got to my dad’s house and he was showing me all the food he has for me to snack on and he goes “and I have a guacamole ball” what’s a guacamole ball you ask? well I will tell you. an avocado. He has an avocado.
— airhead mere (@merestromb) June 9, 2019
#9:
Freelancing is great because you’re your own boss, so you have to stare directly into the fact that you’re both a terrible boss and a terrible employee.
— Alice R Fraser (@aliterative) June 10, 2019
#10:
I just found out that cock fighting is done with chickens. That's 2 years of training I'll never get back
— John (@JFD1960) December 28, 2018
