“One more time”. . . We’re singing “One more time!” It’s time again, the best tweets of the week, especially for you, served with icing on the top! Do you want a cookie with that?
Me: I love my friends. Their interests? Incredible. Their tastes? Impeccable. I would die for them. If there's a single thing they asked of me I literally could not possibly hesitate
Friend: Hey check out this cool song
Me: Haha cool maybe
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) August 5, 2020
Me: this meeting could’ve been an email.
Also me: (gets an email) Goddammit.
— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) August 5, 2020
2020 as told by Marvel pic.twitter.com/QkGAojoOcA
— rachel leishman (@RachelLeishman) August 3, 2020
I would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew life was gon be like this
— Sia🦋 (@pre_vibes) August 3, 2020
youtube: do u wanna try youtube premium? it’s free for a month
[five minutes later]
youtube: ur not gonna believe what’s free for a month
— randy (@randypaint) August 4, 2020
I’m just saying, if the ice cream truck can play music, the garbage truck could too.
— ❤️Jar Jar Drinks🤙 (@HushJared) July 31, 2020
the good news is my custom facemask arrived, the bad news is that they printed my face 20% too large pic.twitter.com/jBaVM7nbYI
— Cameron!! (@cameronmattis) July 27, 2020
life imitates art pic.twitter.com/zUsywQlI63
— 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰🔪 (@MommyBigDick) August 2, 2020
2020 so far:
Hot March 2
— Evan DeSimone (@Smorgasboredom) August 1, 2020
What are you going to do with all the time you'll save skipping loading screens?
— Xbox (@Xbox) August 1, 2020
— ○ (@CAMLaPistolaa) August 1, 2020
her: so what do u do
me: [remembering girls like bad boys] i sell drugs
her: are u serious??
me: [remembering girls like sensitive guys] to kids in need
— cory (@harvardgraduat) July 31, 2020
If there was an Olympic event for procrastination would you win by not doing it?
— tom (@pilau) July 31, 2020
I wasn't going to eat you, totally not lion.
— 9GAG (@9GAG) July 31, 2020
I just moved to Miami & have to get a COVID test/quarantine for 2 weeks before school, which is fine. I was asking where the best places to get tested were & one of them SERIOUSLY said “oh you can pay for a fake negative test & you wouldn’t have to quarantine. Tons of ppl do it”
— Savanna Neb (@Bamarooski) July 28, 2020