Children — We love them but sometimes they just drive us crazy. Whether there are disputes with the siblings, running with pissed-up socks through the house or children who caught their parents doing certain things. Today we have everything for you! Have fun!
My 3yo told me she peed in the tub and I was like ok cool because I thought she meant the bathroom. She peed in the tub with her socks. She walked around the house with socks soaked in urine. If you think you’re ready for kids you’re not. You’re never ready for kids.
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) May 13, 2020
My toddler started crying because he was thirsty and we didn’t have what he wanted to drink. Because the thing he wanted to drink were his own tears.
His. Own. God. Damn. Tears.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 8, 2020
when we moved to the u.s. my dad made me a deal. "if you learn to read english, i'll buy you a video game system." a month later i told him i'd done it and asked him to hold up his end. "oh yeah? ok read this." he handed me a piece of paper and i read out loud "i lied, get a job"
— the hype (@TheHyyyype) May 2, 2020
yes i was a theater kid. yes i behaved normally at restaurants. we exist
— ꧁ rissa.txt ꧂ (@rissamindi) May 2, 2020
My daughter came screaming to tell me that her older brother said something rude. She didn’t hear him so she doesn’t know what it was but he’s a, “little bastard and that’s what little bastard’s do”
— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) May 6, 2020
I sure hope my son touches his penis less in real school than he does at homeschool….
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) April 28, 2020
My kid had an absolute unholy screaming like forty minute meltdown about a very small thing and then at the end of it said quietly “I miss school and I miss my friends”
— Amber Sparks🪓 (@ambernoelle) April 24, 2020
Whenever my wife needs a good laugh I say “let’s have another baby!” and it kills her every time.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 5, 2020
Asked my son to eat his food or I'll switch off the TV and he stood up from his chair and switched off the TV.
He's now playing by himself and has abandoned both the food and TV. What does this mean?
— Ponmile (@Ms_Ojo) April 14, 2020
When my oldest was 4, we were driving past a cemetery & she said
“Mommy all my friends are there & they all have their own pretty flowers.”
She then tells me what their names are and what flowers she could see them holding.
What’s the creepiest thing your kid has ever said?
— let me momsplain (@letmemomsplain) April 18, 2020
My mom leaves comments on my Instagram like she’s a 50 yo Russian man looking for a wife “hello my beautiful darling”
— Amy Silverberg (@AmySilverberg) April 20, 2020
I'm not saying my kids are dumb but one of them just suggested we play hide and seek in an open field
— Pats AWOL (@PatsATweetin) April 5, 2020
My 2 year old daughter just asked me “mommy when will I get such a bazooka bangin ass like you?” He’s only 5 😂
— Eve (@evefingdonnelly) April 1, 2020
6yo: I know what you guys were doing last night
6yo: you were making-
6yo: a new puzzle
Me: the puzzle! Yeah sorry we started without you.
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) March 29, 2020
friend: Kate’s pregnant and I’m nervous about raising a kid
me: dude, they’re super easy. just water them and watch em grow
wife: no, that’s plants
me: are you sure?
wife: yes and you’ve killed two of them
me: *phew* I was gonna say lol
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) January 23, 2020