It’s really been a week full of trouble. Let’s see, what do we have here? A second lockdown in half of Europe, the USA suing Google, cloned crayfish in Belgian cemetery, etc. etc. Just read it yourself. Have fun!
Germany cases 477,203:
You’d better believe it’s lockdown time
Pretty sure the “no drinking unless you have a pie” rule will kick in around month 3
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) October 28, 2020
6-year-old: Can dragons get covid?
6: Good. Their masks would catch on fire.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 27, 2020
1975: Microsoft founded
~22 years later~
1997: US v Microsoft filed
1998: Google founded
~22 years later~
2020: US v Google filed
Apparently being sued for antitrust is like graduating from college for tech companies.
— Ben Thompson (@benthompson) October 20, 2020
Is it just me or does it feel like 2020 is running out of ideas pic.twitter.com/lPOKVNP6tO
— Melvin of York (@MelvinofYork) October 23, 2020
just heard an ad on a podcast from the government that was straight up just telling you to not stand on train tracks because that’s where trains are and one might hit you
— matt (@Lubchansky) October 23, 2020
Maybe this new retweet user experience was just to make it harder for Donald Trump to stop retweeting things, but why must we all suffer
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) October 21, 2020
When you’re an ancient forest witch but you have kids pic.twitter.com/kkHk4CsgKs
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) October 23, 2020
The first act of racism my brother ever experienced was my dad filming the wrong asian boy during his whole school play
— عائشة (@souIspyre) October 23, 2020
"i can't wait for 2020 to be over" babe there's a whole nother year after this and then maybe even some other years
— the monster nash™ (@itsnashflynn) October 28, 2020
the only things you hear in music now are sex, violence, and drugs. i miss the days when songs were about something real, like the Boys and returning to Town
— nate of the living dead (@MNateShyamalan) October 28, 2020
KID 911: wats ur emergency
SON: cant find my shoes
KID 911: have you looked literally nowhere?
KID 911: then it is lost forever
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) October 28, 2020
walked past tim hortons today and saw an employee working hard everybody wish him luck pic.twitter.com/paXbjExFND
— blm drew🇬🇭🇳🇬🇱🇧®➐ (@shecallsmedrew) October 22, 2020
it’s always “when is the McRib coming back” and never “how are you doing person who runs the McDonald’s account”
— McDonald's (@McDonalds) October 23, 2020
My friends are arguing about heating leftover pizza or eating it cold, and I’m over here wondering why they have leftover pizza.
— Just J (@junejuly12) October 23, 2020
if your lawyer comes in wearing these, you are absolutely going to jail pic.twitter.com/hIfVBsg2P3
— Derek Guy (@dieworkwear) October 22, 2020
I used my husband’s deodorant, so if you need me to explain how to throw a football I can do that for you.
— MƖƧƬƳ (@skedaddle74) October 25, 2020
My dad always gave me physical & emotional affection. He still can’t say he’s proud of me without tearing up.
I had a male role model who showed me it was natural to show affection, emotion, love. The world would be better if men were comfortable expressing their inner lives.
— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) October 22, 2020