Have fun with the best and funniest Tweets of the week.
#1:
I was in Marketing for 40 years & thought the perfect packaging didn't exist. pic.twitter.com/vngs3boPzW
— Barry Mulligan (@BazzaCC) March 9, 2021
#2:
When I find a bruise,
5% of the time I wonder “how the hell did I get that?”
95% of the time I press it to see if it hurts— Midge (@mxmclain) March 9, 2021
#3:
vibrators are unnatural and wrong. god said adam and eve not florence and the machine
— ☆ (@222xen) March 7, 2021
#4:
I’ve reached the age where Friday night just means I’m even more excited about sleep.
— Pinky’s Brain (@mack44_d) March 5, 2021
#5:
If you’d like to find a single shoe in the dishwasher from time to time, then parenting is for you.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) March 5, 2021
#6:
Obsessed with how much of Roger Federer’s name is just er
— Flora underscore underscore Flora 🦄🦋 (@Flora__Flora) March 6, 2021
#7:
It's still absolutely wild to me that people we pay $174k a year tell us that we don't need a $32k minimum wage.
— shantilly (@shantilly_t) March 5, 2021
#8:
not me, using the exact same response my religious family sent in for our [gay] wedding, for their [superspreader] wedding pic.twitter.com/zwSFSTZI0V
— melissa kravitz hoeffner (@melissabethk) March 8, 2021
#9:
Weird how my school had a zero tolerance policy for short skirts but a boys will be boys policy for sexual assault
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) March 8, 2021
#10:
Someone said friendship in the pandemic is basically just one person sending a text when they’re in a good mood and you’re not and then you finally responding when you’re in a good mood and now they’re not.
— Milo Mami. Bournvita Baby. 🇳🇬 (@Aizehinomo) March 7, 2021
#11:
If the casino had a uno table I’ll tear some shit up 😂😂😂😂
— A. (@ogkeyaa) March 5, 2021
#12:
Dear Microsoft Word: I never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever want to paste without matching formatting. Never. Never ever. Thx.
— Eric Vanden Eykel (@evandeneykel) March 4, 2021
#13:
the guy who named Newfoundland really didn’t try at all, did he?
— 🇨🇦SueCorvette🇨🇦 (@suecorvette) March 9, 2021
#14:
My kid systematically checks me for weakness like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park testing the fence
— Midge (@mxmclain) March 8, 2021
#15:
ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES pic.twitter.com/M4sf9BhGjA
— CAPYBARA MAN (@CAPYBARA_MAN) March 6, 2021
#16:
I guess the magnets I ordered are here😂 pic.twitter.com/S4r7zAlcXO
— 🌴MAUI🍍 (@MauiSaber) March 3, 2021
#17:
“Who wears the pants in the relationship” outdated. Everyone wears pants. “Who wears the docs, who wears the crocs”. Wonderful. Not based on gender stereotypes. Implies someone is emo
— brie (@_cestlabrie) March 4, 2021
#18:
[eating probiotic yogurt while on antibiotics]
okay now battle— anya (@veryanya) March 4, 2021
