Curtain up for the 19 best Tweets of the week! Exclusively for you and handpicked! Have fun!
Look, I'm flexible, either we get rid of guns or we get rid of men but it's pretty obvious that we can't have both.
— Geraldine (@everywhereist) March 18, 2021
I’ve tested positive for needing a fucking vacation
— EK (@estxev) March 16, 2021
My coming out story: I texted the family group chat that I’m gay while I was blacked out, got ignored by everyone and then watched as every single person responded when my sister sent a picture of the enchiladas she made 4 hours later
— Mat George (@matchu_chutrain) March 16, 2021
‘it’s her body, she can wear what she wants’ okay but keep the same energy when it comes to muslim women wanting to wear the hijab, abaya, burqa or niqab.
— asima (@asimaxpatel) March 13, 2021
primark needs to open my socks are starting to disappear
— Lt♡. (@ltaiiee) March 13, 2021
I asked my mom if she felt any side effects from her second vaccine shot today and she said "an acute appreciation for science"
— Jeremy Abbate (@MediaJerNYC) March 11, 2021
Direct deposit: $1400
Me at McDonald’s: bring me the clown
— sofi (@yungnastybitch) March 12, 2021
my restaurant started a challenge: if we go 30 days without having to ask anyone to put a mask on we will give away free donuts for a day. So far the longest we’ve made it on any day is 2:30pm
— rachel knox (@knoxmulder) March 14, 2021
I still can’t believe we locked down in March 2020 when there were 556 confirmed cases in one day and yesterday there were almost 50,000 confirmed cases in one day and we’re like «eh, the pandemic is basically over.»
— Pro-Vaccine Queen🌙🦇 (@typicalfeminist) March 14, 2021
I completely understand why the Spanish Flu was rarely if ever mentioned in 1920s literature and art. I do not want to watch any TV shows/movies or read a single novel about this fucking time.
— Rebecca Fishbein (@bfishbfish) March 16, 2021
Martial art technic in animals 😄 pic.twitter.com/f6ARHoCHB4
— Self Defense (@selfdefense24x7) March 15, 2021
put a net in the car so my dog wouldn’t distract me while driving 🤦🏻♀️😂 pic.twitter.com/DB5B8HeKez
— ☠︎ (@spanishbarbzz) March 11, 2021
do y’all say “good talk” when you say something and it gets ignored or are you normal
— 𝚍𝚞𝚖𝚋 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚍𝚎 🌵 (@makaylajedward) March 13, 2021
Why do men have to be like “as a father and a husband…” when talking about respecting women’s rights as if it’s something they’ve only learned through those experiences?
I’m a gay man with no children. I still know to respect women because I’m not a twat
— D 🏳️🌈💙 (@geordie_medic) March 10, 2021
Why when Jesus talks about feeding the poor, it’s christianity. But when a politician talks about feeding the poor, it’s socialism?
— mohamad safa (@mhdksafa) March 9, 2021
Aerial view of Barcelona will never cease to amaze me. pic.twitter.com/gY7MkNVZJH
— ً (@rxmchls) March 13, 2021
Apple removing the DVD player from laptops was the beginning of the downfall of humanity.
— Gory Cory (@gorycoryhorror) March 14, 2021
Hear me out when I say triangle has more sandwich. pic.twitter.com/mFDRyvWNPG
— 𝚂𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 🌹 (@_tweetsbysal) March 17, 2021
Do we want to talk about the contraceptive pill having a higher potential blood clot rate than the AstraZeneca vaccine?
Or are we too tired?
— Lauren Dudley📸 (@Lauren9Dudley) March 15, 2021