Have a great week with our 11 best Tweets of last week. We can’t promise you that it will be more Tweets every week. But there is just so good material out there. Enjoy.
JUST HAD A JOB INTERVIEW AT WALMART AND THEY SHOWED ME A VIDEO OF ME SHOPLIFTING 😭
— bayonetta 3 updates (@chrisgusting) September 5, 2018
Well it finally happened in my 8th month of pregnancy, I just sat on a man’s hand and bag when he wouldn’t move them off the last spare seat on the bus. We’re now sharing a very quiet ride.
— Brydie Lee-Kennedy (@BrydieLK) September 4, 2018
don’t u think that mary just cheated on joseph and her cover story got a bit out of hand
— lou (@loupacker_) September 4, 2018
2-year-old: *mashes buttons on a toy phone*
Me: Who are you texting?
Me: What are you telling them?
2: They smell like poop.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 6, 2018
The dj really said “where my 2000s babies at” and the crowd went wild. That’s when I knew it was time for me to go home.
— sagiterrorist. 🤸🏾♀️ (@BabyySims) August 26, 2018
Me: who keeps texting you?
11 yo niece: it’s her boyfriend
9 yo niece: he’s not my boyfriend I just keep him around bc he has a pet turtle
— black lives matter (@huntigula) September 3, 2018
I bet the guy who named the Sperm Whale wasn't allowed to name things anymore after that
— 🎄🇺🇸E.🇺🇸🎄 (@YourMomsucksTho) September 2, 2018
Budget Brazilian pic.twitter.com/poTxpLhv6W
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) September 3, 2018
— loser ☆ (@tristehomo) September 1, 2018
Her: Have you sold anything since you became a writer?
Me *stares around my empty house* everything
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) September 6, 2018
DATE: So how long have you lived here?
ME: *dramatically slams the menu on the table* I don't live in the restaurant, Claudia
— Just Some Guy | Black Lives Matter (@Home_Halfway) September 5, 2018