Have a great week with our 19 best Tweets of last week. We can’t promise you that it will be more Tweets every week. But there is just so good material out there. Enjoy.
— non aesthetic things (@PicturesFoIder) September 5, 2018
I remember one time I caught my ex talking to some dude in an indie band and was telling him she’s sad and she said something along the lines of “my boyfriend is a musician (me) and hasn’t once made a song about me or how he loves me” like bro I play the drums wtf lol
— andrew (@pena_core) September 4, 2018
JUST HAD A JOB INTERVIEW AT WALMART AND THEY SHOWED ME A VIDEO OF ME SHOPLIFTING 😭
— ً (@CHRISGUSTlNG) September 5, 2018
Well it finally happened in my 8th month of pregnancy, I just sat on a man’s hand and bag when he wouldn’t move them off the last spare seat on the bus. We’re now sharing a very quiet ride.
— Brydie Lee-Kennedy (@BrydieLK) September 4, 2018
don’t u think that mary just cheated on joseph and her cover story got a bit out of hand
— lou (@loulouisepacker) September 4, 2018
Me when the wrong song comes on in the shower 😂🧖♀️ pic.twitter.com/KQ2IBktZa9
— Nae (@tinynae_) September 5, 2018
2-year-old: *mashes buttons on a toy phone*
Me: Who are you texting?
Me: What are you telling them?
2: They smell like poop.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 6, 2018
White people: i no longer support Nike *burns Nike products they already bought*
— 𝔐𝔦𝔩𝔞𝔫𝔠𝔥𝔬𝔩𝔶 🗡 (@MOTHERMIL) September 4, 2018
The dj really said “where my 2000s babies at” and the crowd went wild. That’s when I knew it was time for me to go home.
— Ashlynn🤸🏾♀️ (@BabyySims) August 26, 2018
Me: who keeps texting you?
11 yo niece: it’s her boyfriend
9 yo niece: he’s not my boyfriend I just keep him around bc he has a pet turtle
— huntigula (@huntigula) September 3, 2018
Retweet to pet the cat.
| _ _ l
/ ヽ ﾉ
│ | | |
／￣| | | |
— Jakub (@JakubNET) August 29, 2018
I bet the guy who named the Sperm Whale wasn't allowed to name things anymore after that
— Elisabeth. (@YourMomsucksTho) September 2, 2018
Budget Brazilian pic.twitter.com/poTxpLhv6W
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) September 3, 2018
— 𝖑𝖔𝖘𝖊𝖗 ⋆ (@tristehomo) September 1, 2018
Ever wonder what 2-year-old twins might do in the middle of the night?
— PregnancyVideo.Net (@Pregnancy_Video) August 28, 2018
Find someone who looks at you the way Bill Clinton looks at anyone who isn't his wife pic.twitter.com/eobdKTmMgt
— Nikki (@nikkiaintshitt) September 1, 2018
Her: Have you sold anything since you became a writer?
Me *stares around my empty house* everything
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) September 6, 2018
DATE: So how long have you lived here?
ME: *dramatically slams the menu on the table* I don't live in the restaurant, Claudia
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) September 5, 2018