Hello and welcome to Best of Twitter! We hope you continue to have an incredible amount of fun and strain your laugh muscles this week with our best Tweets of the week!
whenever someone my age is like ‘my husband…’ my first thought is ???? but we’re kids ????? (I am 29)
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) January 27, 2021
BREAKING: Biden is ordering his Department of Justice to end private prison contracts. This is huge.
— Public Citizen (@Public_Citizen) January 26, 2021
I was trying to calm my 15-yo daughter’s anxiety about driving a car, and the advice that resonated best with her was “think of how many fucking idiots know how to drive a car”
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 22, 2021
if “uncomfortable” was a picture pic.twitter.com/v8qGFaUhxO
— 🧚♂️ (@uhprome) January 23, 2021
pose with your sword the way guys on tinder pose with fish pic.twitter.com/s6oSJYATXe
— EJ Chong (@ejknoodles) January 23, 2021
GameStop sitting amongst Tesla and Amazon after reddit users make it a Fortune 500 company pic.twitter.com/AVUtcjs6gl
— Jordan Deeb (@Jordan_Deeb) January 27, 2021
My best friend who has only dated girls since we were teens said after pandemic she wants to date a guy and I told her that yes, one of the side effects of covid is loss of taste.
— Camilla Blackett (@camillard) January 26, 2021
i wish men spent more time telling other men to stop being predators instead of telling women to “be safe outchea/buy a weapon”.
— dr. b. h. scalliwag (@such_A_frknlady) January 23, 2021
Grad school is so stupid— i only went because i wanted to meet girls but now everything is on zoom so it’s impossible. So now i’m just like reading books for no reason
— april (@autogynefiles) January 23, 2021
going thru pornhub and 👎ing any vid where I don’t see wedding rings
I know this GameStop stuff is funny, but you have to remember this is hurting real people who own multiple boats
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) January 27, 2021
Headlines complaining about Biden’s peloton and Rolex after 4 years of a dude with a literal gold toilet are beyond parody
— Laura Bassett (@LEBassett) January 22, 2021
homeless….with a Tesla? https://t.co/EYU85wu8WI
— angelic (@kxmren) January 22, 2021
My kind of news day:
"Geologist Finds Rare Formation Inside Rock That Looks Exactly Like Cookie Monster on Sesame Street" pic.twitter.com/rKftbLw804
— Dr. Jacqueline Antonovich (@jackiantonovich) January 23, 2021
im such an idiot https://t.co/Az8E5QGuJA
— Nick Allen (@NickAllen) January 21, 2021
The Simpsons doesn't predict anything we just haven't fixed any of America's problems since 1989.
— Nathan (Simpsons Video is Live) (@Humanstein) January 21, 2021
Having Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley on the Senate jury for Trump's impeachment trial is like having the lookout guy and the getaway driver on the jury for the bank robber.
— Randi Mayem Singer (@rmayemsinger) January 26, 2021
My 101 year old grandmother got vaccinated today. She fled the Nazis as a college student, still reads novels in four languages, paid for my education, drinks a ton of coffee, hates pepper, and adores almond croissants. I’m weeping.
— Johanna Winant (@johannawinant) January 23, 2021
Overthinking 101 pic.twitter.com/OQR8yZFnSA
— ✰ᵃᵈᵐᶻ (@Philz_adamz) January 21, 2021
I did it!!! I went the entire presidency without being *sure* which is eric and which is donald jr
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) January 21, 2021