Twitter users never miss the goal of amusing people. These weeks, too, they have given us jokes, humour and food for thought in short messages. You can find all summarized here in our Weekly!
NO ONE RUNS FASTER THEN A TODDLER HOLDING SOMETHING THEY SHOULDN’T😬😬😬😬
— ang🌻🌸🌻🌸 (@totally_not_ang) April 27, 2021
Netflix characters: I'm just an average 16 year old High School student pic.twitter.com/3BJzsaR9FX
— memetaza (@memetazaa) April 25, 2021
You think you’re having a bad day? My 7 year old just figured out how to whistle.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) April 26, 2021
“I would love to get tattoos but my parents would kill me” you are 25. please go get a tattoo and then go to therapy.
— Sliz (@slizagna) April 27, 2021
*every Zoom call*
Boss: "Why is your camera off?"
— James Bond (@007) April 27, 2021
My therapist: "you definitely have clinical burnout."
Me: "Oh man. Well, how long is that going to take to fix, because I've got a _lot_ of stuff that needs doing."
— Meghan Scott Molin – Camp NaNo or bust (@megfuzzle) April 26, 2021
don't talk shit about ur coworkers. u never know who it could get back to. instead dont talk to anyone at work. retreat into the lonesome cocoon of ur own anxieties emerging only to feed
— tatum (@50FirstTates) April 27, 2021
Black people don’t get to rest even in death. Their deaths become teachable moments for society
— professional internet user (@quidditch424) April 23, 2021
Woke up; discovered 3-yr-old had had massive nosebleed, his clothes covered in blood; washed him; walked into the kitchen; found 5-yr-old stirring his brother’s bloody clothes in a pot filled with hot water. “I need his blood,” he said. “I need his blood for my poisons.”
— Merve Emre (@mervatim) April 23, 2021
wtf is a “group chat?” i am an adult, i only have two friends and they don’t know each other
— trash jones (@jzux) April 24, 2021
This is the fastest thing in the world, 😂😂 pic.twitter.com/2Jqx4q2K7c
— Maria Stevenson (@Mariakaigai) April 25, 2021
THE IG STORY VS. THE REPLY pic.twitter.com/8aEMILrqNP
— moose (@moosechildd) April 27, 2021
5-year-old: Why are you so tall?
Me: I'm a good eater.
5: No, that's why you're fat.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 24, 2021
— Admiral Raum (@unsanctifi3d) April 22, 2021
A hobby of mine is finding ridiculous items for sale at Nordstrom’s. This might be my best find yet. pic.twitter.com/racNtYs0jB
— Lexi Brown, PhD (@lexilafleur) April 21, 2021
Rage Against the Machine never specified what type of machine they were furious with but I reckon it was probably a printer.
— John Moynes (@JohnMoynes) April 21, 2021
I don't think we're fully appreciating not having to hear what Trump is thinking right now
— Zack Bornstein (@ZackBornstein) April 20, 2021
my best guy friend and I made a pact: if we’re still single by age 25, we’re going head on over to the woods to hunt each other to the death
— audrey (@saint_audrey) April 22, 2021
Delete the ‘lol’ from the end of your sentences & just say what you need to say
— T2🏁 (@t2trilll) April 22, 2021
my Game of Thrones experience 🐲 pic.twitter.com/ikx3Kd2ORM
— not clickbait (@LariDuran) April 23, 2021