Have fun with the best and funniest Tweets of the week.
#1:
Always carry a potato wrapped in foil to a party.
It's a conversation starter: "Ever seen a lion's egg?"
A conversation avoider: "Excuse me! Hot hot hot!"
A conversation ender: "Just got this cyst removed. Feel how heavy!"
Always carry a potato wrapped in foil to a party.
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) September 23, 2018
#2:
My daughter should be getting her mid quarter grades soon. I'm excited to see how I'm doing in algebra.
— Jack Boot (@IamJackBoot) September 21, 2018
#3:
WIFE: I told you to call a plumber.
ME: I KNOW WHAT I’M DOING. pic.twitter.com/RmUaam9Wfh
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) September 23, 2018
#4:
magician: may i read your mind
me: go for it
magician: [closes eyes]
me:
magician: [little caesars voice] pizza pizza
me: holy shit
— LOLY SCiONIC (@OllyiConic) September 24, 2018
#5:
I think instead of using emojis I'm just going to use the description of them. Guy in blue shirt shrugging
— Steve (@stevehasatweet) September 23, 2018
#6:
When you destroyed the One Ring and brought lasting peace to the realm pic.twitter.com/eWH4jnC1Kl
— Sam Van Haren (@SamShotFirst) September 25, 2018
#7:
My kid’s high school did a random search of all the lockers today and guess who’s teenager stood in front of her locker and yelled, “SHOW ME THE WARRANT!!”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) September 26, 2018
#8:
chef: [yelling] I NEED LETTUCE
assistant: [from walk-in fridge] ICEBERG, RIGHT? A HEAD?
other chef (that survived the Titanic): oh no not again
— Terry F (@daemonic3) September 25, 2018
#9:
Once again in my quest to not eat sugar I have eaten Too Much Cheese
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) September 25, 2018
#10:
A seal slaps a man in the face with an octopus. The best headline you'll see today. pic.twitter.com/6C2nST9Wix
— Matt Colville? (@mattcolville) September 26, 2018
#11:
me trying to not say i love u for the 8th time in 4 minutes pic.twitter.com/Rrt2YbExyi
— sham (@mahsyako) September 26, 2018
#12:
"I do like it but don't you think perhaps it's a little … you know… a little bit too penisy?"
Architect: "Don't worry, there'll be so many fireworks and lights on the launch night, nobody will ever notice" pic.twitter.com/rqh04z5L2a
— Olaf Falafel (@OFalafel) September 25, 2018
#13:
My son has parked his bike by this lamppost just about every day for the last year. This morning, this sticker had appeared. Absolutely made our day. People can be so brilliant. Thank you, whoever did it 😊 pic.twitter.com/rYC8jCTD5L
— Christie Dietz (@asausagehastwo) September 24, 2018
#14:
Best headline I’ve seen in so very long… pic.twitter.com/KOywLOJh5D
— Daniel Holland (@DannyDutch) September 21, 2018
