During my research I interviewed a guy who said he was a libertarian until he did MDMA and realized that other people have feelings, and that was pretty much the best summary of libertarianism I've ever heard

Best of Twitter from February 24, 2020

IT-Guys will agree. Most problems can be solved by turning things off and on again. Unfortunately this doesn’t work with mondays or weekdays in general. And even if it would, you had to face your …

escape room employee: would you like a hint? me: hmm this door says PUSH which likely stands for Pull Until Secrets Happen

Best of Twitter from February 17, 2020

Right before we dive into our gems of the day, let us not forget, that Monday is not our friend. It is sinister, evil and comes straight from the depths of hell. Good news is, …

How many Oreos should a person eat in one sitting? Please tell me it’s 20

Best of Twitter from February 10, 2020

Can we have a moment of silence please? Dear Weekend, you’ve passed away too soon. It feels like yesterday, when we were chilling in our beds thinkin‘ about which delivery service to choose from and …

So my husband told me that his coworker gave him homemade bath bombs over the holidays & that he tried one & it didn’t dissolve v well but he’d never used one before & thought it was normal. He left the other one for me & I just tried it. It. Is. A. COOKIE.

Best of Twitter from January 27, 2020

Hello and welcome to another episode of „Best Tweets from Today“. But before we start with our daily gems, let’s have a word from our beloved sponsor Monday™.

Going to sit next to the richest looking middle aged man on my flight and scroll through my nudes for 3 hours straight

Best of Twitter from January 20, 2020

It’s hard enough to tell workdays apart until the weekend gets in sight while getting up early, trying to avoid dying in traffic (or earlier under the shower, let’s be honest) and arriving at work.

I had to buy a pregnancy test once and the cashier excitingly was like “omg!! what are you hoping for??” and I awkwardly was like... “uhh a negative..” and she looked so stunned and embarrassed and honestly she should have because DONT DO THAT.

Best of Twitter from January 13, 2020

Hickory dickory dock, it’s almost beer o’clock! Hell yes, today is the least favourite day of the week. To make things even worse, it’s Monday the 13th. We are 100 percent sure that even Jason …

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