a 3 y/o asked if i was an adult yesterday, when i said “yes” he goes “why?” and honestly i don’t have a good answer for it. why am i an adult?? i could be anything?!!

Best of Twitter from February 19, 2020

There are so many wonderful poets and thinkers. People who processed their feelings in verse and played poetically with words. We wanted to try our luck at the high art of poetry. The result is, …

Picard and Last Jedi are both about older men trying to make up for past mistakes after JJ Abrams blew up a planet.

Best of Twitter from February 16, 2020

Recently at the conference center. „Hey, guys! Nice to see you! Has everyone had a good week? No? Wonderful! Welcome to our daily humor seminar. My name is Karen, I am your coach and today …

nobody: people from ny: i live in new yawk. i have three roommates. two of dem are rats. we eat pizza fawh dinnuh every night. de rent? 4000 dollars a SECOND

Best of Twitter from February 13, 2020

Less than 24 hours to Valentine’s Day, this is not a drill, friends. I repeat, not a drill! If you don’t have a date yet, just be aware that the animal shelters won’t hand out …

Me: I don’t like scones. British Friend: Ah mate you just haven’t had them the proper way. Me: What do you mean? British Friend: You need some good jam, a scoop of clotted cream, have some tea and take sips in between bit- Me: I dont think you like scones either.

Best of Twitter from February 12, 2020

If you have been on the road in Germany or England in the last two days, you have surely noticed the small gusts of hurricane Chiara. This storm raged through Central Europe in the last …

Just heard my mom shouting “DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHERE ROOMBA IS” and then 2 minutes later, more quietly, “aww poor roomba how’d you get stuck there sweetie”

Meow or Woof?11 funny Tweets about Animals

Dog or cat? This discussion has been going on for eons and will probably never come to an end. Our four-legged friends enrich our lives and often make us think about what is going on …

what's your silliest intrusive thought? mine is Grab the pigeon. grab it with both hands like a burger then hold it over your head and 𝑟𝑢𝑛

Best of Twitter from February 9, 2020

Did everybody have a good weekend? Much action? Maybe went to the cinema again? Right now, Dr. Dolittle, Harley Quinn and Bad Boys are being a nice selection of films being offered. If not, that …

I was just at starbucks on my lunch break and the guy in front of me in line asked the barista if they could crumble up 2 blueberry scones and blend them into his drink. not sure what his story is but i hope he finds peace

Best of Twitter from February 6, 2020

And once again, we got on the hunt for you. Only the best Tweets for our spoiled audience. With us today: A gang of wild animals and some anecdotes of how to survive life with …

Feeling lonely? You need a dog named Family! Coworker: any plans for the weekend? You: just hanging with my Family! Dating profile: tell us about yourself You: my Family means the world to me Boss: reason for vacation request? You: taking my Family to the beach!

Best of Twitter from February 5, 2020

It’s the middle of the week and let’s be honest, we all can’t wait for the weekend to arrive. So why not lighten up your mood in the meanwhile with some doctor-jokes (who doesn’t like …

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