wild that "as contagious as chickenpox" doesn't mean anything to anyone under 30.... because of.... nevermind

Best of Twitter from August 1, 2021

You can run, you can hide, you can eat a whole bucket of ice cream and a packet of grated cheese, but Sunday is here anyway. Basically all you can do to heal the pain …

Best of Twitter from July 31, 2021

It’s finally Saturday. The day we aspired to reach, the moment we longed for, the reason to live. Too much? Yeah, we thought so as well. So let’s be honest, as much as we need …

coronavirus feminism 🤝 no idea which wave we’re on

Best of Twitter from July 30, 2021

Sweet, sweet Friday is here! Say goodbye to your co-worker Karen, wish everyone at the office a happy weekend, light a little fire and leave for good. Who knows what’s gonna happen at the next …

men are so cool, whenever I have one in my bed I’m like blown away by the sheer size of them. it’s like when you meet a cow in real life

Best of Twitter from July 29, 2021

Why we hate some days of the week more than others is because we have to work in shitty jobs to make money for living. But aren’t weekdays basically the same? No! Thursdays are great, …

Best of Twitter from July 28, 2021

It’s Wednesday folks, we’re halfway through! So lay down the chainsaws, even if people are trying to communicate with you in the subway when you’re clearly using headphones, the international sign for «talk to me …

My daughter made $110 on her lemonade stand today, in like an hour. Turned out people were handing her $5s and $10s and she was just assertively saying thank you for the tip, and not offering change.

Best of Twitter from July 27, 2021

Welcome everybody to another evening you «chose» not to spend with friends, family, or lovers but with us. Our hearts are heavy but we have to tell you that it’s only Tuesday, aka the true …

J. Lo and Ben Affleck have gotten together, broken up, had children with other people, got back together, and are now kissing and I have been single through it all

Best of Twitter from July 26, 2021

Finally it’s Monday again! Thank god this long and boring weekend is over! Who needs free time, social contacts and sleep when you can do your laps on the infamous hamster wheel of capitalism for …

Best of Twitter from July 25, 2021

Every week on Sunday evening we meet up here to play a game of «whose life sucks the most». Is it competitor A who prepares for another week of carrot hunting in the office knowing …

Best of Twitter from July 24, 2021

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of «it’s finally Saturday, what could possibly go wrong?». To your left you see singles talking awkwardly to other singles, beating around the bush wether they like each …

My husband has just had a pay rise, which is lovely, but I can't help notice that in the last 10 years, his salary has increased 87%, while mine has increased by 18% I've spent most of that time working on curing cancer. He's been calculating your car insurance.

Best of Twitter from July 23, 2021

In case you were just about to google the early symptoms of a heart attack after you’ve noticed that slight tremor in your fingers, you can stop now. It is neither a heart attack (at …