Nothing gives me anxiety like my husband coming home early from work and sitting in his car for a while. Was he laid off? Did he quit? Is he injured? Did Bohemian Rhapsody come on the radio as he pulled in and he is waiting for it to finish?

Best of Twitter from January 23, 2020

We are deeply saddened to what is happening in Wuhan right now. While on one end of the world half a continent is burning and a whole city is under lockdown, at the other, a …

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Why can't Harry Potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend? They're both cauldron.

Best of Twitter from January 22, 2020

Today we got the best qualifications for a lawyer. A very good way to wear your pants if they make you look fat and a flat joke from Professor Snape himself. Enjoy!

Rush hour is a pain and is probably the main reason why, other than leaving traffic to grab a coffee, we are late to our jobs. So the best advice i can give you is to leave before 7, but do not forget to come back! Or you will miss the release of our top ten Tweets from today. There is nothing worse than that and i mean nothing!

Best of Twitter from January 21, 2020

Rush hour is a pain and is probably the main reason why, other than leaving traffic to grab a coffee, we are late to our jobs. So the best advice i can give you is …

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Going to sit next to the richest looking middle aged man on my flight and scroll through my nudes for 3 hours straight

Best of Twitter from January 20, 2020

It’s hard enough to tell workdays apart until the weekend gets in sight while getting up early, trying to avoid dying in traffic (or earlier under the shower, let’s be honest) and arriving at work.

my kid can be gay, trans, a theater kid but I draw the line at a child with a peanut allergy

Best of Twitter from January 19, 2020

It’s a cold Sunday, there’s nothing like a visit to a cozy cafe, is there? So please take a seat in the Best-Of-Twitter-Cafe, order a coffee, tea or hot chocolate and relax. With the hot …

Date: I don't think we should see each other again Me: It's because I got in a fight and lost, isn't it Date: Well, yes Me: It was a surprisingly strong goose

Best of Twitter from January 18, 2020

It’s saturday, the time where we all pretend to have an active social life, but since our early 20s in reality, we’re just tired. Most of us would consider a near-death experience from eating too …

It is Friday and people are already making plans to go to their favorite club or bar, but before you do make sure you not only check here daily, but also use the “jk" rule. You haven't heard of the “jk“ rule? Well good thing you are here. Enjoy your weekend and our top ten Tweets from today.

Best of Twitter from January 17, 2020

It is Friday and people are already making plans to go to their favorite club or bar, but before you do make sure you not only check here daily, but also use the “jk“ rule. …

Me "can we do the Princess Leia gold bikini roll play?" Wife *sigh* "on one condition" Me "anything" Wife "I'm wearing the bikini this time."

Best of Twitter from January 16, 2020

It’s Thursday. One day left then thank god you all, it’s finally weekend time. Instead of lying on the couch with your kids like always, we have some better tips for you. Did you know …

Me: Who’s a good boy? WHO’S A GOOD BOY? Who wants a belly rub? WHO WANTS A BELLY RUB? Client: Can I get a different massage therapist?

Best of Twitter from January 15, 2020

Americans are curious. Did you know that on a single day in the USA three foods are celebrated? Today is the National Bagel Day, National Fresh Squeezed Juice Day and National Strawberry Ice Cream Day. …

Shout out to all curvy girls: Don't be afraid to get on top.... If he dies, he dies.

Best of Twitter from January 14, 2020

Coffee without cups, dancing sticks and a message from the postman. The usual madness of a day on Twitter. We’ve packed for you the 10 best Tweets of the day, so you can keep enjoying …