The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time so it’s more of a surprise

Best of Twitter from June 16, 2021

Yes, yes. Wednesday is the ugly middle child of the week. Not good, not too horrible and as half as annoying as Monday 2.0 aka Tuesday. Well, let’s face it, humans aren’t made for working …

must be nice being able to watch a movie without the overwhelming urge to google every single cast members acting repertoire and marital status

Best of Twitter from June 15, 2021

Welcome back everyone. Summer is finally here and it is getting hot – or is that just us? No, sorry, please don’t leave! Basically we don’t even care as the only light our skin ever …

yall made fun of plankton for dating a computer screen and now look at you

Best of Twitter from June 14, 2021

If you watched Futurama, we don’t need to explain what a Suicide Booth is. For all of you who don’t know, these are booths found on nearly every street in the year 3000. They look …

first dinner with other vaccinated friends and a man spent the whole time arguing with me about cryptocurrency. release the rest of the bats

Best of Twitter from June 13, 2021

OMG is it really Sunday again? Can someone please, please fetch their survival kit and go into the kids` room to find that little time machine that has been missing for quite some time. Haha, …

Best of Twitter from June 12, 2021

It’s Saturday and while normal ™ people are enjoying some quality time in parks or with their loved ones, we are once again on the back of our favorite raccoon, riding towards the wild depths …

when I leave the Zoom and my smile disappears I do feel like a serial killer

Best of Twitter from June 11, 2021

Hello. It’s us. We were wondering if after all this, well, hours you’d like to meet. Again. Okay, this sounds a lot better when it’s coming from Adele. But everyone has their skills and ours …

Best of Twitter from June 10, 2021

It’s Thursday or as Dante would say, the first circle of Hell. A limbo, right between the Inferno of the workweek and the sweet salvation of the weekend. Speaking of Inferno and not to complain, …

hmm should I spend 2 seconds clicking unsubscribe or 1 second deleting an email from this company every single day for the rest of my life

Best of Twitter from June 9, 2021

As you may know, Wednesday is the day between Tuesday and Thursday. And while some of you are trying to act like it’s time to sing, dance and celebrate, we’re facing a serious problem here. …

this old lady came to the bank i work at to withdraw $10. i told her that for withdraws less than $100 she has to use the atm. so she asked to withdraw $1000 in $10 bills. it sucked but i counted it out and handed her the money. she took $10, gave me $990 and said “deposit this”

Best of Twitter from June 8, 2021

Today is Tuesday, June 8, and maybe it’s just us, but we’re feeling a little Orwellian today! Perhaps it is because this day 72 years ago «1984» was published, you know, the science fiction novel …

People say “you’re autistic? Does that mean you take everything literally?” And I’m like “nah, that’s kleptomaniacs”

Best of Twitter from June 7, 2021

Hello, we’re glad that you’re back. No, not you Monday! Go away! Nobody likes you. Jesus, he does this every time and it is as annoying as a bear riding a tiny clown bicycle and …