Yes, once again the week is over and two days of peace and quiet lie ahead of us. That is, unless you caught a lumbago this morning trying to pick up the kid who got stuck between the chairs. If that’s the case, you’ve won a time travel to the dark ages because, surprisingly, a staggering number of civilization’s achievements presuppose being able to walk or move. For example, take a shower or, while we’re at it, other things that can only be done in the bathroom. Plus, keeping kids or pets from looting closets or playing Breaking Bad in the nursery is much easier when you can raise your arms or at least throw something on a regular basis. In the end there is only one joy left and that is our gems of the day. Please enjoy.
#1:
I was complaining that we have too much stuff in our house and need to get rid of some of it and my 4yo looked me dead in the eye and said “you should probably burn it in the oven like all our food mummy” and then carried on playing with her Barbie
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 14, 2021
#2:
6 years ago I got fired from modeling for having a size 6 pant
Jokes on you I fit in 10s now and can lift you and your audacity pic.twitter.com/qDqjoSsptI
— The Milk (@uhthemilk) April 13, 2021
#3:
Caught my toddler questioning the baby. He wanted my newborn baby to admit that he can talk. Told the baby I KNOW YOU CAN TALK. It was a full on interrogation. Lmao I’m not letting him watch Boss Baby no more. He tweakin
— Pzifer Puss (@gorgeousmia91) April 13, 2021
#4:
so weird frat bro culture is so homophobic….my dude, i have a few things to tell you about “greek life” back in the day
— kristofer thomas (@itskristofer) April 15, 2021
#5:
i ordered 6 bananas and the instacart guy brought 6 BUNCHES of bananas so now my apartment looks like fuckin donkey kong country
— y’all ready for this (@earthboundPat) April 15, 2021
#6:
every time i drink milk i remember my roommate who used to put powdered milk in his milk so he could drink «more milk per milk»
— Avery Edison (@aedison) April 14, 2021
#7:
Somebody used my card on Amazon for $3399 for a fucking LG fridge I can’t wait to tell them to hold shipment till I can get to the warehouse so they can stuff me in that same fridge and upon arrival I’m jumping out and beating everybody ass at that address
— Plush Gawd 💋👑 (@I_Be_kOoLz) April 14, 2021
#8:
my kids figured out the password to my wife’s computer and have been sending me these texts as if they were from her pic.twitter.com/dmrSZmTSsV
— michael cruz kayne 🇵🇭 (@CruzKayne) April 13, 2021
#9:
One crazy paradigm I think about a lot is the one where older people constantly talk about how they used to play in the street all the time, but then are unable to connect the dots as to why that’s not a thing anymore.
— John Surico (@JohnSurico) April 15, 2021
#10:
This is Simba and Cooper. They’re finally fully vaccinated. Hugging for the first time in over a year. Both 14/10 heartwarming as h*ck pic.twitter.com/rm8KUne0tp
— WeRateDogs® (@dog_rates) April 15, 2021
