Lockdown can make people weird. Weaker minds would say even insane. My sock puppets on the other hand think otherwise. Especially Ernie has a very strong opinion about self isolation and the spider in my bathroom agrees. So I had no choice but to let them choose those Tweets and HEY, WHAT KIND OF JACKET IS THAT, WHO CALLED YOU, ERNIE, HELP!
(enjoy our Daily. Ernie says so.)
i’m baby pic.twitter.com/zB0Uqh8WKr
— buns iverson (@FranziaMom) April 16, 2020
we keep calling it "miss rona" but let's be honest the coronavirus is definitely a man
– bothers u if u get within 6 feet of it
– makes going to bars unappealing
– ruins everything and expects u to fix it yourself
– completely fucked up the government
– raises pornhub traffic
— mate (@AlwaysAButt) April 16, 2020
My husband has been trying to explain bitcoin to me for 3 straight days and if this doesn’t end our marriage nothing can.
— Rainbow Kingdom (@aissalanis) April 17, 2020
ppl are constantly asking me “why do you delete tweets?”
i’m gonna keep it real with u … not the biggest fan of my thoughts
— poodie the witness (@P00DI3PI3) April 16, 2020
I hope I don’t contract Covid-19. But, if I do I hope it’s from something cool like delivered chicken wings and I totally eat that bitch. Lord, please don’t let me go down from picking my nose after checking the mail.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) April 17, 2020
must be an incredibly bad time for the people who secretly live in a stranger’s walls
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 16, 2020
calling today “national horny day” is an insult to those of us who keep the torch of horniness burning 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, regardless of inclement weather or bank holidays
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) April 16, 2020
Help wanted – Must be able to stand guard of a fridge everynight between the hours of 9pm-6am. Combat experience is required.
— Kerry 🌺 (@whatbabytalk) April 17, 2020
I was just informed that now is not a good time to learn to play bagpipes.
— Uncle Jeff (@PickleRudd) April 17, 2020
Me to my family at the end of quarantine pic.twitter.com/SWEruC3cDR
— 𝚂𝚑𝚎 𝕸𝕮 (@sheroCyrxs) April 16, 2020