It’s Saturday, only a few days left until May and it’s zero degrees in the morning. 2021 is still going strong into making everyone uncomfortable, we have to respect the effort. So instead of enjoying a sunny morning on the balcony, you have to improvise. Train your domesticated pet racoon to steal fire wood from the local forest witch. Or cuddle up with a few of the sacrifical lambs you would usually need to celebrate the first day of spring, by offering them to an ancient demon in exchange for a healthy summer tan. We already said too much. So perhaps just start with a few of the best Tweets we found in some abandoned ruins near a cursed but pretty monastery. Have fun!
i’m aging like an ok wine
— sey smythe (@seynique) April 22, 2021
Watching a whale documentary where a whale eats a stingray: hell yeah lunch time
Watching a stingray documentary where a whale eats a stingray: you son of a bitch
— vineyille (Story Thing OUT NOW) (@vineyille) April 23, 2021
Spotted on my morning walk: a horse staring into the void of a hollowed out tree.
Apt depiction of my creative process at the moment.
Btw, I checked and the horse was fine. Just communing with things my mortal eyes can't perceive. pic.twitter.com/WpFeWJGPFK
— Jess Lawrence, copy-editor (@JessLaw247) April 21, 2021
detectives are always like “what were u doing the night of april 5th” i literally couldn’t tell u what i was doing 6 hours ago bro just lock me up
— tatum (@50FirstTates) April 22, 2021
my best guy friend and I made a pact: if we’re still single by age 25, we’re going head on over to the woods to hunt each other to the death
— audrey (@saint_audrey) April 22, 2021
me: *nervously approaching printer* h-hey there little guy.. kinda in a rush to print something
my printer: *territorial printer noises*
— tatum (@50FirstTates) April 23, 2021
Some days I’ll be in the shower and legit can’t remember if I’ve already washed myself or if I’ve just been standing there disassociating the whole time so I start the entire process over just to be sure
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) April 23, 2021
— Admiral Raum (@unsanctifi3d) April 22, 2021
when i was in college a professor told me im not passionate about anything. well joke’s on him, 15 years later and im still passionate about overanalyzing that statement
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) April 23, 2021
Woke up; discovered 3-yr-old had had massive nosebleed, his clothes covered in blood; washed him; walked into the kitchen; found 5-yr-old stirring his brother’s bloody clothes in a pot filled with hot water. “I need his blood,” he said. “I need his blood for my poisons.”
— Merve Emre (@mervatim) April 23, 2021