It’s Saturday, most of us have a long weekend ahead of us, but you can’t even perform a nice, relaxing witchcraft ritual, because you have to respect other strange belief systems. Even if they involve someone coming back from the dead, which of course you celebrate with, well: chocolate eggs. Brought by a giant bunny. You can’t make those things up, but good news, you can drink them away. While reading some really funny Tweets, so Happy Easter and have fun!
Caught my girlfriend having sex with an abstract artist. He said "it's not what it looks like"
— Dr Pessimus Prime – advocate for long-arm T rex (@BigJDubz) April 2, 2021
jesus: one of you is going to betray me.
judas: ok who told him
jesus: april f- wait what
— caitlin (@carboncaitlin) April 1, 2021
Summer 2021 pic.twitter.com/pdTY28fB7S
— ✨V✨ (@coolauntV) April 2, 2021
I used to imagine my kids would be doctors or astronauts but at this point "not an arsonist" is looking like a stretch
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) March 31, 2021
When my kid was 6 he told his teacher to call him Big Casino. His teacher called and asked if we knew why. I told her to take it up with Big Casino.
— Adam (Severedthumb) (@thumbhook) April 2, 2021
[shampoo bottle falls in the bath]
all other bottles: WE ARE COMING FOR YOU, BROTHER
— Ella Zee 🌈👑 (@EllaZee5) March 30, 2021
imagine being dead for 3 days and then having to move a boulder to go outside. i would lay back down
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) April 2, 2021
I love when a guy I hooked up with 3 years ago starts liking my posts again to let me know he's single now
— ashley ray (@theeashleyray) April 1, 2021
JESUS: *breaks bread* This is my body.
JESUS: *pours wine* This is my blood.
JESUS: *hands out baskets* Now go find my eggs!
— Ian Dukes Climate Change Accepter (@ianpauldukes) April 2, 2021
Jeepers has a rare genetic sunlight sensitive eye condition and the vet told me to buy these …my life is so stupid pic.twitter.com/tBkLMXNTkF
— April “Pinkie” Davis (@PinkieToons) April 1, 2021