Do you guys remember when we were glad, that 2019 was finally over, looking forward to 2020? Yeah, we sweet summer childs. So we’re 90 days into this year now, having a weekend for yourself got a whole new meaning and civilized countries are stealing mask shipments from each other.
At least there is Twitter. And our Daily. Have fun.
me: [yawning] might get dressed today
coworkers in zoom meeting: please do
— tom (@pilau) April 3, 2020
If you are listening to the president or watching Fox News you are basically listening to hold music while people die.
— Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) April 3, 2020
Imagine being a bank teller and literally everyone is walking in wearing masks.
— The Untastic Mr. Fitz (@UnFitz) April 3, 2020
I was out with my sons and my youngest started crying because he wanted a box of tampons thinking it was candy. My middle son yelled, ‘Those aren’t candy, they’re TAMPONS for Mommy’s WIENER!’ My oldest screamed, ‘Mommy doesn’t have a WIENER she has a VAGINA!’
Wear a condom
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) April 2, 2020
ok am i hormonal or is this the best thing to come out of facebook pic.twitter.com/2lzL2rPb0C
— pinar (@pienar) April 3, 2020
Alanis: I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
Barrista: I'll just put Alanis
— john (@mrjohndarby) April 3, 2020
me starting a new hobby i'm supposed to enjoy pic.twitter.com/JTyhRKv1Gv
— Matt. (@MattTheBrand) April 3, 2020
bruce: smell my hair
bruce: it’s a new product i designed
bruce: I'm calling it conditioner gordon
— kiyernnanin (@kieransofar) April 2, 2020
My husband and I dated long distance over MSN messenger, there was no FaceTime, all we had was the “HAS SLAPPED YOU WITH A FISH” button to keep our love alive so don’t you complain to me about your quarantine dating.
— Rainbow Kingdom (@aissalanis) April 2, 2020
me: come quick, my cat's stuck in a tree!
fire department: sorry sir, but right now we're only responding to fires
[five minutes later]
me: come quick, my cat's stuck in a tree that's on fire!
— the hype (discount the devil) (@TheHyyyype) April 2, 2020