Yes, dear friends, the time has finally come: It’s Friday. Two days of unlimited freedom lie ahead of us – well, limited by the usual restrictions like paying rent or watching politicians make stupid decisions. Whatever your plans for this weekend are, put them on hold immediately cause we got the ultimate activities for you. How about attending a wedding of two depressed lunatics, catching up with Santa or making unexpected discoveries in your washing machine? Sounds great? Why not starting right now then? Please relax, here are today’s best tweets.
Wow my best friend’s wedding is about two people who promise to get married if they WERE SINGLE AT 28
— Cameron J. Awesome (@cameronjawesome) April 8, 2021
Forgot I’d washed the dog’s blanket and David Bowie cushion.
Nearly just had a heart attack. pic.twitter.com/7Uh9nLvh8k
— alex boardman (@alxboardman) April 6, 2021
tried to send someone in a Georgia jail a birthday card, only to have it returned because it violates the jail’s “no greeting cards” policy. a shining example of the pointless, dumb cruelty that abounds within a system run by unimaginative ghouls
— Hannah Riley (@hannahcrileyy) April 8, 2021
After a blind date, unsure of what to say, I sent him a text that just said “giggity giggity.” 19 years later we are happily married with 5 kids all because I sent that text to the wrong number.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 8, 2021
salads are such a frustrating food for me. each stab has like a 30% success rate. is this normal?
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) April 9, 2021
My child got sent to Zoom detention for not paying attention in Zoom 4th grade. Email said here’s the link to access the room to serve detention.
I swear I’m trying so hard to take this life seriously.
— Uju Anya (@UjuAnya) April 6, 2021
‘The hand of God’ — nurses trying to comfort isolated patients in a Brazilian Covid isolation ward. Two disposable gloves tied, full of hot water, simulating impossible human contact. Salute to the front liners and a stark reminder of the grim situation our world is [email protected] pic.twitter.com/eldzkT4JHa
— Nissim Mannathukkaren നിസ്സിം മണ്ണത്തൂക്കാരൻ (@nmannathukkaren) April 8, 2021
Writing a letter to Santa now because I don’t wanna seem like one of those friends that only reaches out when I want something
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) April 6, 2021
long hair is such a romantic power play. i’m in your bed, your car, your butt crack. u can’t escape me
— aiden 🙂 (@aidenarata) April 8, 2021
My son washed his own bedding last night so I’m torn between being thrilled and mortified as to why he washed his own bedding.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) April 8, 2021