So it’s Saturday. Again. It feels like there’s a repeating pattern going on every seven days, but perhaps that’s just us. Anyway, did you know that Saturday is old Aramaic and means «the day you don’t have to talk to people unless you have family then just pretend to watch Netflix all day»? And we totally didn’t make that up while suffering through a food coma after inhaling two large pizzas with every topping known to mankind. We swear on our PhD in old Aramic. What else is there so say, we hope you are enjoying your well earned days off, it’s still 2021 after all and there are several catastrophic events on our bingo card just waiting to happen. Have a beer, go for a walk, smile at your neighbours and try not to get sacrificed in an ancient temple by an old cult at midnight to raise Huitzilopochtli, the aztec God of War. Oh, and if you do, please tell them about our Tweets of the day, we never had a godlike being following us on Instagram and it’s on our bucket list. That would be most appreciated. Enjoy!
#1: I think we all can relate to that
The TV just said “everyone is looking forward to the start of the school year” and under her breath my daughter said “that’s a big load of bullshit”
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) August 12, 2021
#2: This is antphobic
job posting: the ideal candidate will be able to lift 50 times their weight-
ant: hell yeah!
job posting: the ideal candidate will also not be obsessed with crawling around looking for sugar
— the hype (@TheHyyyype) August 11, 2021
#3: Who doesn’t feel like Caesar at some point?
my fall plans the delta variant pic.twitter.com/Z8sUJeKVwK
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) August 12, 2021
#4: Some people are the real MVPs
i hope this email finds you some bitches
— not sara (genuinely hillary) (@smithsara79) August 10, 2021
#5: Yes, we are ashamed of our kind of humor sometimes
date: what are your turn ons?
date: that’s not going to work
— kie (@kieransofar) August 13, 2021
#6: Listen to your mothers
My son just texted me this, I am going to be sick pic.twitter.com/gqo18f5brq
— pretty and rude (@themeredith) August 13, 2021
#7: This person is asking the real questions!
Why’s it always “nyc smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”
— Asia (@AsiaDNYC) August 11, 2021
#8: Finally someone speaks up about it
"I'm a night owl"
all owls are night owls. you are a regular owl.
— Iris 👾☻ (@Jest_Iris) August 12, 2021
#9: Those are the real relationship goals
when I met my husband, I said I lived in Brooklyn even though I actually lived in Connecticut, and he said he lived in Brooklyn even though he was really just visiting from Minnesota. But against all odds we came together bc we shared a fundamental value. Lying
— Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) August 12, 2021
#10: The line between crazy and genius is pretty thin
Maybe if we go looking through student loan debt’s old tweets we can get it cancelled
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) August 10, 2021
And if you’re already hating on your neighbours this weekend here are