It’s Saturday again, and while there’s still a fair amount of weekend fun(?) ahead of you, remember the unavoidable Monday is on it’s way. So lock up your children, block the doors, stay inside and enjoy it while it lasts. And of course have fun with our daily during this upcoming trying times. Stay strong!
2019: Cocaine? Are you out of your mind?
2020: One cocaine, please
— Starring Michelle 💚 (@starringmichell) August 14, 2020
I think we’ve all felt the need to distance ourselves from others who like to tell us about how their diets are working for them while we’re trying to eat a whole chocolate cake.
— ◦ ɱιʂƚყ ◦ (@skedaddle74) August 15, 2020
me: I'm having an existential crisis
therapist: why do you think?
me: *trembling* exactly
— john (@mrjohndarby) August 14, 2020
nature has healed and now it wants revenge pic.twitter.com/1nLrrSUcHY
— Jen (@deaths_cool) August 14, 2020
Hate it when I wear shoes in Walmart and people keep asking if I'm a member of the royal family
— ho baby 😉 (@ThisLocalHater) August 14, 2020
I’m not good at pretending to like people. Just ask my husband.
— Shay (@_salt_n_lime) August 13, 2020
teacher: does anyone know the answer?
[15 students eagerly raise their hands]
teacher: [pointing to me] u in the back with the crippling anxiety
— tatum (@50FirstTates) August 14, 2020
me: ok now let’s do a silly one
first guy in police line up: *kermit voice* give me all your cash
— jo (@WhaJoTalkinBout) August 14, 2020
T-Rex, watching the comet about to crash into the earth: I hope I’m remembered for my colorful and beautiful feathers.
— James Alvarez (@ObscureGent) August 10, 2020
My kids said I look “forty” so I told my husband they called me the F word and now I get the TV from these little fuckers for a week.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) August 14, 2020