Good evening, dear Monday survivors. Once again we hold the hope that our little evening get-togethers are the cherry on top of your cake. But deep inside we know that if you had any cake you would sit somewhere else eating it in peace and without us. So yes, maybe we are more like the funny looking yet harmless mold on the top of a Camembert and it may take a while to find out whether this evening will bring you a whole new taste or food poisoning, but isn’t that a great metaphor for life? Well, with this in mind: Good luck and have a little fun with today’s best Tweets!
#1: Stutter is a really great word for people who stutter btw
loving this creative billboard raising awareness about stutter pic.twitter.com/DdP0mNVLvl
— Rob N Roll (@thegallowboob) August 14, 2021
#2: So many layers
Yesterday at active shooter training, we were told that if there was a shooting at our school, we could use our masks from the pandemic to stuff the bullet wounds of the children.
— Emily • she/her (@booksfightback) August 14, 2021
#3: Give this man a beer
„Marco Pogo (left) is doctor & singer of the punk band TURBOBIER. On Saturday he vaccinated his fans in the ARENA…With comparable vacc. campaigns WITHOUT registration, 47.000 people have been reached so far-accord. to Vienna City“ pic.twitter.com/EiJdEFdYTq
— Konstantin Papakostas 🌼🔴🌼 (@KonstPapakostas) August 14, 2021
12 years ago today I was sworn in as the younesoterny for the SDNY. My littlest guy drew this for school and it was the absolute best thing I ever hung in my offis. ❤️ pic.twitter.com/lzezz7APEb
— Preet Bharara (@PreetBharara) August 13, 2021
#5: Wait … really?
Nursing school doesn’t prepare you for the number of elderly patients who will casually confess to decades-old murders.
— zorn (@zozagoon) August 15, 2021
#6: Oh come on, he loves this game!
Giving my boyfriend a 45 minute backstory on a person so I can talk shit on them for 5 seconds
— Remy Kassimir (@RemyKassimir) August 12, 2021
every movie is too quiet AND too loud, why are they doing this
— thirty year old woman yells at cloud (@lolennui) August 15, 2021
#8: Does this beat «Nation that exceptionally did something good in 2015 declares that 2015 must not be repeated»? 🇩🇪
Nation that lost over half a million people to pandemic complains of labor force shortages and declining birth rates, while turning away refugees.
— Alexander Chee (@alexanderchee) August 16, 2021
#9: 1950s are calling
A male friend told me I should be writing five hours a day on top of my full-time job like he does, and I now have a fair idea of how much of the laundry, cleaning, cooking, and dishes his wife does
— Kate Crane (@cratekane) August 16, 2021
*youth pastor voice* I’ll tell you about another J you and your friends can pass around
— not brendan (@crocodilethumbs) August 16, 2021
If our jokes aren’t awful enough, give dieting a chance: