It’s Wednesday again and you all know what that means. No, we don’t mean drinking on workdays this time. But take yourself some shots if you want to. What we really mean is the big moaning from the beginning of the week is over. The most important tasks are almost done, all hurdles are cleared or buried six feet under deep in the forest. For the next two days it is enough to pretend to be awake, sitting in the office and just breathe. And if someone asks what you do all the time, you show an Excel sheet from last year. Problem solved! Nobody will notice. It’s that easy. Until tomorrow, enjoy these gems for today.
#1: That rug really ties the room together
I sold a rug to someone on marketplace and they just sent me this picture with the message “little man is chuffed” pic.twitter.com/QCupB5gVFm
— 𝕷𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖓𝖉𝖆 (@lucindalvngstn) August 17, 2021
#2: Please let it be Brooklyn Nine-Nine
starting a job feels like you’re a new character on the ninth season of a tv show
— jatsby (@tittyandronicus) August 16, 2021
#3: Fabric softener is on offer
getting no help from this laundromat attendant pic.twitter.com/3IVpkNZbXr
— The Guido Of Russian Hill (@nofriendo) August 16, 2021
#4: Not all heroes wear capes
One time when I was 12 a geek squad guy came to my house and the computer was so fucked up from porn he took me aside when my parents were upstairs and was like hey man you can’t keep doing this, I’m not going to tell them but you have to find a better way
— Luke (@luketaylorgo) August 17, 2021
#5: Mamma Mia
Props to anyone who tries to be fashionable in ireland i wore a red beret once in waterford and someone called me super mario
— lady of sophistication (@janky_jane) August 15, 2021
#6: Should play «It wasn’t me» from Shaggy
tfw you started a 20 year war and people are arguing whether to blame Biden or Trump pic.twitter.com/jDwQMkU0vp
— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) August 16, 2021
#7: Only Grim Reapers please
Just saw a job ad for a Latin teacher. Ad specified that successful applicant must be a native speaker of the language.
Good luck with that.
— Dr Emma Louise Barlow (@emloubarlow) August 16, 2021
#8: We’ll probably need more therapists in the future
Being a millennial is like “I watched 2000 people die on live tv during what should have been the language arts subject block in the 4th grade and then all the adults lost their minds and made me sing jingoistic songs in music class and now we’ve been at war for most of my life”
— CEB (@caitlinmcqulity) August 16, 2021
#9: Hush, little kitty don’t say a word, mama’s gonna buy you a mocking bird…
[forcefully clutching my cat while he wriggles to escape] You may not like it, but you are a little baby. This is what peak being a little baby looks like.
— сфвеу (@csysch) August 16, 2021
Welcome to parenting. You have now become Kid’s Name’s Mom in everyone’s phone.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 16, 2021
Need more Tweets? Try one of these: