It’s tearful Thursday again, the ugly little brother of fantastic Friday. There’s a German saying translating to «looking forward to something is the best kind of joy» which we can assure you is more of a fairy tale than the actual truth. It’s torture, inhumane and there’s absolutely nothing about waiting which makes a normal human being happy. Or has anyone ever been hungry while thinking «oh boy, this is so great, so much hunger, this has to be so much better than finally getting something to eat»? No? We thought so. To be honest, German fairy tales do prepare you for adulthood in a very specific way. They’re full of horrors, unpleasant endings, hard work and there’s a surprisingly huge amount of pain and blood involved. Where were we? Right, looking forward to something. How about our gems of the day? You don’t even have to wait. Enjoy!
#1: Conversations are overrated anyway
sorry for not responding i just dont have the mental capacity to hold a conversation anymore
— ･ﾟ✧ ﾟ (@SuicidalChrist) August 16, 2021
#2: And after that they have dirt as dessert
Welcome to parenting. People who actually eat dirt will now criticize your cooking.
— The Nefarious A-Aron (@deeprocktees) August 16, 2021
#3: And suddenly no one is hungry anymore
i baked you a cake pic.twitter.com/G8WvMCHymP
— NurseBrianRN (@rn_murse) August 18, 2021
#4: Someone give this girl a Nobel Prize
9 wants to protect the environment so she’s going vegetarian, “except for bacon and sausage for breakfast and the occasional hamburger,” so we can all relax now and watch those sea levels fall.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) August 17, 2021
#5: The Queen’s Gambit – the sequel
— suki (@desukidesu) August 17, 2021
#6: We hope there’s something vacant in the neighbourhood
Please stop falling into the big leaf-covered pit in the forest. That is my home. I live between the spikes.
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) August 18, 2021
#7: Everyone needs a fancy Poltergeist flicking marbles
Lockdown isn’t a competition. Single people are lonely, families are exhausted, I have a poltergeist that flicks marbles at me when I’m on the toilet. We’re all suffering
— Deirdre (@figgled) August 18, 2021
#8: How to spot a future serial killer
tiny little girl approaches the circulation desk at the library and in an extremely all-business voice tells me, "i have a book on hold about animal skulls."
— danielle tcholakian (@danielleiat) August 17, 2021
#9: Dogs and humans are so alike
My dog says we don't have to go to the vet for shots, because rabies is a hoax.
— Matty (@bestestname) August 16, 2021
#10: Everyone gets this at some point
ME AS A KID: i wish i was an adult so i could do whatever i want
ME AS AN ADULT: i wish i was a kid so i could do whatever i want
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 18, 2021
Already tired? Let’s look at some Tweets about that!