We hope you all had a wonderful summer weekend. Warm temperatures, lots of sunshine, good food, chilling at a lake or by the sea, maybe a nice barbecue with friends. And what would not be best suited as a nice dessert? Right, our Daily! Have fun!
Asking if someone's trying for a baby is so weird… You're straight out asking:
a) are you having sex, and
b) what are you doing with the cum
— Hans Grubertron (@HansGrubertron) August 1, 2020
her: i’ll have the salad, no nuts, please
waiter: of course
me: it didn’t say it had nuts
her: i’m allergic, so I tell them to be safe
me: that makes sense
waiter: and for you?
me: steak, no bees, please
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) August 2, 2020
"Whenever I'm mad at you, I go on Goodreads and read one-star reviews of your books."
— Mat Johnson (@mat_johnson) August 1, 2020
Are your kids texting Satan?? Know the code:
lol: lucifer oh lucifer
smdh: sins make demons horny
brb: be rad beelzebub
imho: introduce me to hell’s ogres
jfc: jesus fucking christ
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) August 1, 2020
I hate when I go out in public and the public be there
— King ☓ (@_kingthebarber) August 1, 2020
FRIEND: what r u watching
ME: unsolved mysteries
FRIEND: so just mysteries?
ME: [taking bite of edible food] i’m not sure what u mean
— tatum (@50FirstTates) August 1, 2020
What are you going to do with all the time you'll save skipping loading screens?
— Xbox (@Xbox) August 1, 2020
Ayo 😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/8YibELINnQ
— Bria Celest (@55mmbae) August 1, 2020
Cactus are the most antisocial plant, they grow in the middle of the desert and still like, “Don’t f*cking come near me”.
— Shower Thoughts (@TheWeirdWorld) August 1, 2020
when you think about it, if you say you’re into chests and booty instead of tits an ass, you’ll feel less like a pervert and more like a pirate
— Indy ❄️ (@IndecisiveJones) August 1, 2020