Yes, pop culture taught us that there are many terrible ways to die… at least in a horror flic. Eating your own brain while being lobotimized, chewed up by a gigantic meat grinder or inflated like a balloon until you explode. But that’s all nothing compared to the horror that awaits you on a Monday morning when you only had a few hours of sleep and you have no coffee at home. If you can read this you’ve survived, if not you’ll be missed. Anyway, for those who are not down six feet under here are our gems for today.
Now. That’s a photo. pic.twitter.com/edYtytyWzw
— Nature and Animals (@_NatureAnimals) July 30, 2021
— Big Homie 🦍. (@_KingKanis) July 30, 2021
My dog so nosey. I’m outside talking to my mom and here his ass come😂 pic.twitter.com/I7W3VthZT5
— Coach (@vettepassby35) July 29, 2021
Mom: "is the cat with u?"
Me n the cat: pic.twitter.com/kdgxKrq8JS
— Bri𝙰n🍇 (@brian2grimey) August 1, 2021
Picking up a sandwich (with a mask on)
Customer to me: “Living in fear, huh?”
Me: “Yeah. I work with vulnerable, critically ill, immunocompromised children. So, yeah. I’m afraid of killing a child. Thank you”.
— Adam B. Hill, M.D. (@Adamhill1212) July 29, 2021
Told my niece the delta variant was as contagious as chicken pox and she said, "What's chicken pox?"
"Well, see, there was a vaccine…"
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) July 30, 2021
I remember when smoking was banned in indoor public places. Smokers carried on about their freedoms & rights then too. But courts ruled that right of rest of us had a more important right -to not have to breathe smoke & get sick. This is a similar time.
— Mia Farrow (@MiaFarrow) July 29, 2021
Capri Sun CEO: what bottle shape should we use for our fruit punch?
Marketing Rep: We could do tall bottles. Or short bottles.
Mark: Or a little fucking bag.
CEO: Mark… Are you ok?
Mark: We can put our fruit punch in a little fucking bag.
— Ron Iver (@ronnui_) July 30, 2021
vaccine segregation is wrong! you shouldn’t be excluded from society just because you want to harm it!
— Being nice, feeling nice (@InternetHippo) July 31, 2021
don’t mind if I do. pic.twitter.com/5caIgu7zi6
— NurseBrianRN (@rn_murse) July 31, 2021