TGIF and for many reasons! For example, the weekend to look forward to. Not having to wake up at 5’am is my favorite reason. But sadly, the weekend is also over in a blink of an eye. But that’s ok because it also means more of our Dailies to look forward to. We hope you have a safe weekend!
#1:
me: why is our new house creaking?
realtor: that just means it's settling
fiancee: *creaking*
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) August 20, 2020
#2:
her: i have a nut allergy
[later before sex]
her: put it in
me: what if u die
— cory (@harvardgraduat) August 21, 2020
#3:
wife: my husband thinks he's a ghost
marriage counselor: where is he
wife: *sighs* he's trying to come in
[sound of someone running straight into the door]
— cory (@harvardgraduat) August 21, 2020
#4:
me: can you cure my fear of body parts being stolen?
therapist: don't worry, i've got your back
me: [screaming]
— sam (@socksandsamdals) August 21, 2020
#5:
We only rate dogs. Unfortunately this is a tiny house hippo. Please send dogs. Thank you… 13/10 pic.twitter.com/CpuKqdnHxi
— WeRateDogs® (@dog_rates) August 21, 2020
#6:
I hate when people say “ the bug is more scare of you than you are of it”. DID THE BUG TELL YOU THAT ?!
— thadickdealer (@_KweeenK) August 20, 2020
#7:
Huh, I thought he killed Bin Laden for doing 9/11 https://t.co/APEIwus8t4
— Christopher Miller (@chrizmillr) August 21, 2020
#8:
Herman Melville: I'm writing a novel about you, think I'll call you Moby
Whale: sounds shit
Herman Melville: might change your name
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) August 21, 2020
#9:
therapist: and what do we say when we feel this way?
me: i say hey
therapist: hey?
me: [standing up] what a wonderful kind of day
therapist: yes!
me: [climbing on chair] if you can learn to work and play
therapist: [clapping in time]
me: AND GET ALONG WITH EACH OTHER
— james (@heybuddy_comic) August 21, 2020
#10:
what did they do pic.twitter.com/xMw7fbKKL8
— Miles Klee 🦜 (@MilesKlee) August 20, 2020
