It’s finally raining and while Mungo Mussolini in the White House is on a rampage to destroy the US Postal Service, the Democratic Party had their convention. Admittedly, a senile white guy with touchy hands wasn’t the first choice most people were hoping for, but sometimes you have to take what you can get. Especially given the alternative. And in this mood, please enjoy our daily!
there are 5 home alone movies i think its safe to assume kevins parents are just incompetent
— tatum (@50FirstTates) August 21, 2020
therapist : are you ever worried that-
— Jen_A_Palooza (@Ten_Toes_7) August 21, 2020
the sexual tension between me and my desire to go home and lie down is out of control
— Matt. (@MattTheBrand) August 21, 2020
Jesus didn't find it odd that it was called The 𝙇𝙖𝙨𝙩 Supper?
— An English Human (@English_Channel) August 21, 2020
The Home Alone 2 director's cut where Kevin is promptly murdered in central park
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) August 21, 2020
The mask helps cover up a bad mood, but my middle finger gives me away.
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) August 20, 2020
— U.S. Postal Service (@USPS) August 21, 2020
The hardest part about karate is earning your first belt. Do u have any idea how hard it is to kick with ur pants around ur ankles
if you're going to go around calling pets "fur babies" I'm going to call real kids "skin babies"
— benoît and 43 others (@NomDeBenoit) August 22, 2020
wife: i want a divorce
wife: are u even paying attention
me: *watching ratatouille* holy shit the rat is a chef
— cory (@harvardgraduat) August 21, 2020