Saturday! Time to meet friends, having a good time, enjoying the last days of summer. I’m just kidding, there’s still Covid-19, the world is an awful place and the best bet is to stay at home, open a bottle of wine and read a nice book. Fahrenheit 451 comes to mind, or 1984. Something fun and relaxing. Enjoy!
My son texted me that he’d forgotten his favorite beer mug and asked if I’d email it to him. Naturally, I knew he meant to say mail, but don’t think for a second that stopped me from emailing him a picture of said mug.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) August 29, 2020
Guys remain 12 until they’re 16. Then they’re 16 until they’re 35, at which point they turn 24.
— ❤️Jar Jar Drinks🤙 (@HushJared) August 28, 2020
cats are cool cause they’re little murder machines that cartoon run for their lives when a drop of water gets on them
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) August 28, 2020
I want a hardcore personal trainer but for eating, really getting up in my face like "IS THIS A CHEESE FON-DO OR A CHEESE FON-DON'T"
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) August 28, 2020
Me: [at the gym] arm or leg day?
Octopus: [crying] i’m not sure
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) August 28, 2020
we don’t usually get to see this much footage of a cult until the documentary comes out.
— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) August 28, 2020
shipmate: captain watch out! we're headed straight for the light house
captain, who is a moth: fuck ya we are
— cory (@harvardgraduat) August 28, 2020
Sometimes I wonder how many times Wolverine has hurt himself sneezing
— Julicorn 🦄 (@ChicksRule) August 28, 2020
British driving instructor: quite right, quite right. Now quite left.
— An English Human (@English_Channel) August 28, 2020
caveman: I’ve invented the wheel!
— Sue Corvette 🇨🇦 (@suecorvette) August 28, 2020