I hope everyone survived the evil Monday(tm), we really can’t afford to lose any followers in this economy. And it would be a shame, because we’re bringing joy and ice cream to celebrate another week without Mango Mussolini blowing up the White House. Okay, no ice cream, but at least the gems of the day. Enjoy!
#1:
"iT's eASieR sAiD ThAn DOne" buddy that's why i say things and don't do them
— Quilliam (@nyquills) August 3, 2020
#2:
I turned out ok for someone who was essentially raised by Monty Python.
— Pinky Swear (@mack44_d) August 2, 2020
#3:
Me: Gather around children so I can tell you about the atrocity that was the year two thousand and twenty
Nephew: Wha- it's still 2020.
Me: *staring off into the distance* It was a lifetime ago, so much pain and suffering
Nephew: It's only August
Me: March lasted fifty years
— Rob Actually đłď¸âđ (@RobbyActually) August 2, 2020
#4:
due to personal reasons i will be sitting on my bed in a wet towel and staring at the wall for the next 25 minutes
— Lumberzack (@ItsLumberzack) August 2, 2020
#5:
youtube: do u wanna try youtube premium? itâs free for a month
me: no
[five minutes later]
youtube: ur not gonna believe whatâs free for a month
— randy (@randypaint) August 4, 2020
#6:
Someone told me to not let it effect me and, boy, am I upset I never thought of that.
— Stephanie Sparkles (@SSparklesDaily) August 3, 2020
#7:
Iâm just saying, if the ice cream truck can play music, the garbage truck could too.
— â¤ď¸Jar Jar Drinksđ¤ (@HushJared) July 31, 2020
#8:
date: what do you do for a living?
me: i make trojan horses
date: thatâs not what iâd expect
me: yah thatâs the idea
— kie (@kieransofar) August 3, 2020
#9:
guy inventing the clock: ok i just need to set it and it'll be done. does anybody know what time it- fuck
— james (@videojames_) August 3, 2020
#10:
me: if u sting someone u die?
bee: ya but i wouldn't sting someone unless they made me really mad
me: that's unBEElievable lol
bee: my time has come
— cory (@harvardgraduat) August 3, 2020
