It’s Saturday, so the glass is already half full again. Who are we kidding, the glass was never half full, everybody who tries to drink away a whole week of work in just two days knows that. We know a lot about glasses, to be perfectly honest. And bottles. And no, the weird thing that looks like art, smells funny and has dirty water in it’s bottom isn’t a broken vase, thanks for asking, Mom. Where were we? Right, sadly not even half full, neither the glass nor we. But don’t despair, there’s something even better than half ass metaphors or endless self-pity. And we assure you, it’s not quarter full, half full, but always filled to the top. Of course we’re talking about good Tweets, so once again we dug deep and found the ten best word acrobats of the day. Well, we included two meme creators as well. Let’s have a look, shall we? Please enjoy!
My 6-year-old recently learned about nutrition and now whenever he wants a snack, he comes up behind me and whispers in my ear, “I need food to survive.”
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) August 5, 2021
“your trauma made you stronger” it actually made me afraid to tell you how wrong that is but thanks
— Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) August 6, 2021
A goth sunflower pic.twitter.com/WLFiQJciOj
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) August 5, 2021
Can I hold your baby I promise I won’t throw it on the sidewalk
— Natalie (@jbfan911) August 6, 2021
Stephen King's plots are hard to follow. Too many Maine characters.
— Bob Golen (@BobGolen) August 6, 2021
alexander graham bell: i invented the telephone!
his brother, taco: i’m working on some pretty big stuff too
— the hype (@TheHyyyype) August 7, 2021
bad thing about returning to the office is you can no longer announce aloud "I am going to kill myself" when you encounter a minor inconvenience
— doing haka before CPCU test (@IdahoBones) August 4, 2021
Her: Who's your favourite literary vampire?
Me: The one in Sesame Street
Her: He doesn't count
Me: I can assure you that he does
— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) August 6, 2021
— Jassa (@RuthlessJassa) August 4, 2021
me: I'd like to represent myself
me: *wearing mustache* my client is guilty
me: *removing mustache* wait what
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) August 6, 2021