It’s finally summer, that means grilling in parks while teenagers are listening to some sort of things they call «music». Enjoying public pools with families nearby, whose kids are screaming nonstop while they’re walking all over your book (after they got fresh out of the pool, of course).
And let’s not forget a special treat for us redheads: The lobster style after being eight seconds outside on a cloudy morning at 6am. But no need to be in despair, here’s our Daily!
The older I get, the more I appreciate the little things. Holding hands, making each other laugh, murdering a hitchhiker and dissolving the body in acid together, sharing music.
— ho baby 😉 (@ThisLocalHater) August 7, 2020
scully will yell “federal agent” at anything girl that’s literally an alien it doesn’t care
— shreemi verma fan club president (@pylepatel) August 5, 2020
Me *calling wife* should I get one or two hotdogs
Me *to tattoo artist* yeah one on each arm
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) August 7, 2020
Cinderella: how many miles on this one?
Farmer: please stop kicking them
— clean slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) August 7, 2020
the only perfect shot in film history pic.twitter.com/Avg5qcqs10
— Sommelier but for Dippin Dots (@narIstrom) August 7, 2020
me: excuse me, do u work here?
— john (@mrjohndarby) August 8, 2020
No thank you, Owen pic.twitter.com/cxk7gQdmfQ
— 𖤐 Father Drinks McGee 𖤐 (@drinksmcgee) August 7, 2020
I could sit here another hour listening to this fly buzzing in the window or I could set the room on fire and leave the house. Decisions decisions.
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) August 6, 2020
me: [holding newborn son] he's beautiful
doctor: we're gonna have to give him some shots
me: oh hell ya pour up its his fucking birthday
— cory (@harvardgraduat) August 8, 2020
Normal Bar: Hey bud we can't let you in here with that pocket knife
Renaissance Faire: Here's 32oz of meade and a bow & arrow go crazy
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) August 7, 2020
if I say "I could eat" we’ve got about 32 minutes tops before I am flat out a different person
— aubrey (@aubreybell) August 7, 2020