So, we recently heard that, instead of work christmas parties, there are virtual parties. Which has a lot of advantages. You can’t pass out drunk while falling into the the decorations, you won’t tell your coworkers how you really feel about Linda heating up fish in the microwave and the most important thing: You don’t have to wear pants. You can also blame «notebook troubles» when Dave is telling everyone about his last fishing trip, after having three beers and mute the annoying guy, who’s constantly talking about his new car. It’s a win-win for everyone. Talking about winnings, here are the gems that made it into our Daily. Enjoy!
There's an old saying about raising kids: The days are long. The days are so, so damn long. I don't remember the rest.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) December 10, 2020
Artist: So how would you like to be painted, young lady?
Girl: With my favourite fish
A: Are you sure? It might di–
G: WITH MY FISH
A: … Ok
G: …. And also this drunk cat pic.twitter.com/FQoFYjh9OK
— Emily Brand (@EJBrand) December 8, 2020
instructor: you have two left— uh
centaur: i have two left what, mandy
— slate (@PleaseBeGneiss) December 11, 2020
Finally had enough of my roommates shit and told them they had to get out and they were all “no stop” and “but we’re your kids”
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) December 11, 2020
schrödingers gf: so what are we
— Lænį Røšę❄️ (@parilani) December 12, 2020
me: isn't it funny how they call it kidnapping even when it happens to adults?
man locked in my basement:
— Pesky Aubrie (@AubriePesky) December 11, 2020
The best email signature I've ever seen:
"It is normal for me to take 2 days to read my emails and 2 more days to reflect on the matter and respond calmly. The culture of immediacy and the constant fragmentation of time are not very compatible with the kind of life I lead."
— Lucy Hunt (@lucy_hunt) December 10, 2020
god: get this, trees? put ‘em inside
angel: love it
god: and lights? boom, goin’ outside
angel: lol, you’re crazy!
god: *rubbing coke on gums* then a fat guy breaks in and leaves gifts if you’re not jewish
angel: haha, o-ok, maybe pull it back a little
— MehGyver (@TheAndrewNadeau) December 11, 2020
Hate it when I try to make a snow angel and it turns out as a pentagram instead
— ho baby 😉 (@ThisLocalHater) December 11, 2020
me trying to survive the last 3 weeks of 2020 without having another mental breakdown pic.twitter.com/kMucIjdGLI
— ℙ𝕒𝕧𝕝𝕠𝕧 & 𝕄𝕒𝕤𝕝𝕠𝕨 🐶 (@PAVGOD) December 11, 2020