Attention everyone! We just found out that our lovely website has been attacked by what Homeland Security believes to be Russian hackers. After the intrusive campaign into government agencies, they obviously went for the more relevant infrastructure. Luckily, our intern was able to stop the attempt by updating our $9.99 firewall! We’re now even considering paying him minimum wage next year! Win-win for everybody, right? Talking of good news, here’s our Daily. Please enjoy!
MY PARENTS DIDN’T RAISE A QUITTER!! They raised ᵃ ᴾʳᵒᶜʳᵃˢᵗᶦⁿᵃᵗᵒʳ
— 𝕚𝕞𝕞𝕒𝕟 (@immantweets) December 16, 2020
Sir Ian McKellen has received the Covid vaccine. “Anyone who has lived as long as I have is alive because they have had previous vaccinations… you’re having it not just for yourself but for people who you are close to – you’re doing your bit for society.” pic.twitter.com/HpLC5ujVD8
— Jack Blackburn (@HackBlackburn) December 16, 2020
An AirBnB accused me of stealing a laptop from her home. It’s offensive for a lot of reasons, but mostly because she accused me of stealing a Dell.
— Lil Uzi Hurt 🥺 (@lostblackboy) December 16, 2020
Tiger passed down his golf gifts to his son and my dad passed down his ape-like arm hair to me. Genetics really are amazing
— max homa (@maxhoma23) December 17, 2020
yesterday I overheard a little kid asking their mum why I was using a wheelchair, and the mum simply replied “well maybe his legs need a bit of extra help. you can ask him if he’s happy to tell you more.” no shaming the kid for asking, no treating disability as a hush hush topic
— ellis (@gendrfuck) December 17, 2020
The deepest irony of this whole “I’m a Republican so I only respect doctors who are medical doctors,” thing is that 300,000 Americans are dead because Republicans didn’t respect medical doctors.
— Mikel Jollett (@Mikel_Jollett) December 17, 2020
My ex left a ziploc bag of banana laffy taffy on my door step with a note that says «I know you always said I didn’t listen to you but I still remember your favorite laffy taffy flavor».
My favorite laffy taffy flavor is strawberry.
— 🖤Megan🖤 (@Flanjam) December 14, 2020
If you think having animals isn’t like having children, Violet just played dead because I made her wear a coat. pic.twitter.com/wzAxbPWXNi
— Carly Anne York, Ph.D. (@BiologyCarly) December 15, 2020
Adults seemed way adultier when I was a little
— 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐌𝐮𝐯𝐚 ⚜️ (@rebelleflowerr_) December 13, 2020
Once you see Cookie Monster, you can’t unsee it. pic.twitter.com/WjypbMJ8Zf
— Mark Summers (@markysumm) December 12, 2020