We hope everyone survived the next to last Monday in this special circle of hell called 2020. Only a few days until Christmas Eve, and although it’ll be way different than the ones most of us remember, with enough alcohol you can still fight with yourself about politics like you usually do with the weird homophobic uncle from your father’s side. It’s just a matter of effort and perhaps a small, untreated personality disorder. Pets would also help. Dress your most annoying cat in the colors of the dress your mother in law wears _every_ damn year, then pretend it’s her talking about the first boyfriend your wife had, who’s a doctor now and still has his full hair. Or, and that’s just our suggestion, open a good bottle of wine, scroll through our Best of Twitter sections, have a little chuckle and enjoy some inner peace for once at this time of the year. Whatever you choose, we hope you have fun!
Anti-masker: you can’t live in fear!
Me, a person with anxiety: well that’s just not true
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) December 21, 2020
The odds of being murdered in your own home by psychopathic waterfowl are low, but never zero. pic.twitter.com/YGFSbPaHzd
— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) December 20, 2020
no. we should not go back to normal. let’s build pyramids and start worshipping cats. it’s time to take our lives back.
— meh (@bonehugsnirony) December 22, 2020
Cancelling plans is okay. Putting yourself first is okay. Going for a long walk is okay. Abandoning society is okay. Moving into a cave with a family of raccoons is okay. Giving them tiny swords & shields is okay. Do what you need to do to cope.
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) December 20, 2020
absolutely insane that armies used to have drummers. like hello yes we are here to slaughter each other but before that my boy nathaniel’s gonna drop a sick ass beat on yall lmao show em how it’s done nate
— randy (@randypaint) December 21, 2020
Jan. 1, 2021: We did it, guys! That awful year is behind us!
Aug. 4, 2021: The snake wolves have taken Illinois. Here’s what that means for Ohio volcano refugees.
— J.P. McDade (@jp_mcdade) December 20, 2020
there should be an option to decline the stimulus check in exchange for Slapping A Member Of Congress
— ditch pony (@molly7anne) December 21, 2020
I'm sorry i hit you with a folding chair when you said team work makes the dream work
— 🎄🇺🇸E.🇺🇸🎄 (@YourMomsucksTho) December 20, 2020
me watching the news in 2020 pic.twitter.com/bMxbaNUBoY
— Living Morganism 🌱 (@ok_girlfriend) December 21, 2020
Instead of calling it 'Christmas Traveling', let's go with 'Yule Be Sorry'.
— CynicYULETherapist (@CynicalTherapi1) December 21, 2020