It’s Christmas Eve everyone. So for once, just this once, we won’t talk about witchcraft on a romantic Saturday night, how refreshing it is not to see people during home office or aliens being in charge the whole time and showing themselves at New Years Eve. Oh. We said too much. We hope you all have a wonderful day, wherever you are and with whom. Thank you for staying with us during these strange times and please wear a mask. Merry Christmas!
Was my family happy about the new “no phones at the dinner table” rule? No. But did we have some great conversations as a result? Also no.
— Anna (@AnnaDoesntWant2) December 22, 2020
Wife: you need to prepare the turkey
Me: *sits turkey down* dude this isn't gonna be a good day for you
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) December 22, 2020
In my 37 years of life I have never once been attacked by a shark. I use an ancient Indian technique to avoid sharks. It's called "staying on land".
— karanbir singh (@karanbirtinna) December 22, 2020
Fun fact: an octopus will punch a random fish just for spite. Related, I’ve finally found my spirit animal
— Tony 🐜🍯 (@tsm560) December 23, 2020
Maybe I’ll have a coffee, maybe I’ll set myself on fire, this day could go anywhere.
— Minister of Loneliness (@_steamy_mac) December 22, 2020
When someone tells me they are a Christian. I ask, Classic Jesus or Republican Jesus?
— DJ the Resister (@AblueUs) December 22, 2020
Once my husband had me watch a video of "the most amazing guitar player ever," and I patiently watched in silence until the video was over before disclosing that I had dated the guy. It was an awesome moment.
— Lil Bit of Holiday Cheer 🌈 (@LizerReal) December 23, 2020
I’m sitting on a piece of driftwood alone at the beach and if this was a movie the hot bearded guy would find me and sit next to me saying something about not ever needing to sit alone anymore but instead a dog just took a shit six feet from me so
— Vision Bored🎄 (@VisionBored1) December 22, 2020
i’m so happy for her pic.twitter.com/xLYNL25Y16
— s t e p h e n (@tescocans) December 22, 2020
Asshole is not a good name for the main character in your book.
The wife: look asshole It's not a book, It's my diary
— crac🎄ked (@a_simpl_man) December 23, 2020