It’s the second day of Christmas, so congratulations to everyone who has survived until now and didn’t harm any relatives. For those who weren’t that lucky, we accept requests for bail postings at firstname.lastname@example.org. And while you are all separating the gifts into great, could I use during an apocalypse and will be a nice present for someone I hate next year, we dived deep into the third circle of Twitter hell. Just for you, so that wherever you are, prison, hospital or panicking at home because you’re running out of wine, at least there are Tweets to cheer you up. Or remind you, that it always can get worse. Sometimes both. Enjoy!
Sorry for stabbing you. I was thirsty and thought you were a capri sun.
— That Girl 🇨🇦 (@TrueTorontoGirl) December 26, 2020
let a man talk about himself uninterrupted for 10 minutes and he'll be like "wow i really like you"
— bibo (@biboofficial) December 26, 2020
I wasn’t “annoying” in my teens, I was sketching a first draft of myself. what you saw was a limited edition, a collector’s item. get it while it’s hot.
— Owl! at the Library 😴🧙♀️ (@SketchesbyBoze) December 25, 2020
My favourite Christmas memory is my Nonna putting $500 in a card and signing it to her from her and then opening it in front of everyone and thanking herself loudly in Italian
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) December 25, 2020
This is the energy I'm taking into 2021. pic.twitter.com/etsJVAIGVl
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) December 25, 2020
scrooge: I hate poor people
[a night long adventure of self discovery and heartbreak and reflection]
scrooge: I will feed exactly (1) poor child
— suki (@SukiTemporarily) December 25, 2020
one of the most unrealistic parts of home alone is two guys in their forties managing to get back up after falling down stairs
— Indy 🐧 (@IndecisiveJones) December 25, 2020
Hoping santa accidentally left you a glowing tome he found in the deep woods of his ancient kingdom so you can unleash a frost bitten creature of horror upon this world
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) December 25, 2020
You know you're matured when you understand and can't hate the villain in a story
— Ann❤ (@Ann_tookeen) December 26, 2020
In my younger days, I was bullied. Fed up one day I punched the biggest kid in class. I think about that teaching job often.
— An English Human (@English_Channel) December 23, 2020