While the days are getting colder and the consumption of alcoho…ummm…tea in the home office is increasing dramatically, a lot has happened today: Spotify has released personalized “wrapped ups” for 2020, forcing many people to reflect on their year and realizing that they have achieved nothing to be proud of except putting on pants. And Trump, well, he wants to pardon his children before the end of his presidency, soon after his bribery affair has become known. So everything as usual. Now, we wish you much fun with our Daily!
A friend’s grandma got covid (she’s recovered)
How did she get covid? She’s been sneaking off to karaoke bars that are covertly operating illegally, w/o covid precautions.
Illegal. Underground. Grandma. Karaoke Bars.
Am I disappointed? Amazed? Losing my mind? All of the above.
— Adam J. Moore, MPH (@AJMooreHealth) December 1, 2020
Best student comment ever: “I like following profs on Twitter. In the class they are g-d and then you see their posts get 10 likes.”
— Jennifer Evans (@JenniferVEvans) December 2, 2020
What the heck is a “preemptive pardon” other than an admission of guilt?
— Dan Rather (@DanRather) December 2, 2020
They filmed Juno in my next door neighbour’s house and they used my house for craft services and I remember eating a sandwich on my couch and Elliot page came up and was like “hey. So what do you do” and I was like “I’m 8”
— meg (@nicegirlmeg) December 2, 2020
spotify should be sued for this pic.twitter.com/JHD0XfYxSk
— Ms. Grace Kuhlenschmidt (@GKuhlenschmidt) December 2, 2020
i wonder if artists see themselves at the top people’s 60,000+ hour spotify wrapped like “wow that person gave me at least $3.74”
— giabuchi lastrassi (@jaboukie) December 2, 2020
January 2020: Resolves to improve my fitness, invest more, and move up in my career.
December 2020: Has a favorite face mask. Gets excited finding Lysol wipes in the store. Congratulates myself for putting on pants.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 3, 2020
what if god came down to earth and said “it’s pronounced jod” and left
— kristofer thomas (@itskristofer) December 2, 2020
If you think wearing a mask is tyranny, but declaring martial law, suspending the Constitution, and using the military to force new elections is cool, raise your hand.
And then slap yourself with it.
— BrooklynDad_Defiant! (@mmpadellan) December 2, 2020
I really am unbelievably soft like my favorite color is yellow because as a kid I never heard anyone say their favorite color was yellow and I felt bad… for yellow…
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) December 2, 2020