Can we have a moment of silence please?
Dear Weekend,
you’ve passed away too soon. It feels like yesterday, when we were chilling in our beds thinkin› about which delivery service to choose from and which streaming service to binge with. It’s such a shame. Yes, we will miss you, from the bottom of our hearts. Goodbye!
So here are 10 gems that will help you to get over this terrible loss.
#1:
How to make friends as an adult:
1. Say "we should hang!"
2. Do not hang.
3. Say "we should hang!" 6 months later.
4. Cancel.
5. Reschedule.
6. Respect their cancelation.
7. Reschedule.
8. Actually hang.
9. Say "we should do this more often!"
10. Die.— Emily McKenna it is Winter (@EmilyMcWinter) February 5, 2020
#2:
Tupperware after you store spaghetti in it pic.twitter.com/l2Q026Swgj
— Silong (@thefakeSilong) February 8, 2020
#3:
This week my kid (nicely) asked me to stop inquiring about her day after school because "it is a little annoying to get the same question every day" and that if she had something important to tell me she would.
SHE IS NINE WHAT THE FUCK
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) February 6, 2020
#4:
I didn’t know that. But now I do. And I can’t stop thinking about it. pic.twitter.com/7rkNI1U7A7
— Joseph Gordon-Levitt (@hitRECordJoe) February 9, 2020
#5:
How many Oreos should a person eat in one sitting?
Please tell me it’s 20
— Momma Chalupa 2.0 (@inmyimage007) February 7, 2020
#6:
This could just be #StormCíara, or the black bin just forced the green bin to perform an execution pic.twitter.com/ApIWie2P0K
— Aidan Brown (@Aidanbrown87) February 9, 2020
#7:
Founder of pizza hut: the pizza is average
Investor: I’m listening
Founder: the prices are not good
Investor: and did you spend all my money on the roof
Founder: I spent everything on the roof
— Jeb 🇨🇦 (@LlamaInaTux) February 8, 2020
#8:
My son had hearing issues, and we got him tubes. His hearing and speech got drastically better.
My son just read me a book for the first time.
Excuse me, I'll be over here sobbing tears of joy.
— GingerDad715 (@gingers715) February 5, 2020
#9:
Awesome graffiti. 😂 pic.twitter.com/Q0xvs9H1si
— You Had One Job (@_youhadonejob1) February 7, 2020
#10:
Person at an event: oh hi, I know you from twitter
Me: …sorry remind me?
Person: *says his name, full job title, things we talked about*
Me: …er…?
Person: my profile picture is a banana?
Me: Banana!!! How are you?! So great to meet in real life!— Robyn Vinter (@RobynVinter) February 7, 2020
