We’re almost there, friends. Just one more day and it’s weekend! Not everyone can work totally drunk, like Trump’s lawyers obviously do. Here’s a little advice: Even if you defend one of the shittiest persons on this little planet, you don’t admire the work of the enemy side and then argue that the ancient greeks did pretty bad things too. It’s just confusing, but we admit also a bit hilarious. Where were we? Right, drinking at the work place. Not a good idea in general, although there are exceptions. The media industry for example pretty much depends on people working high or drunk as fuck, how else do you explain most of the advertising you get? For the last time, just because we bought razorblades once, we’re really not interested in a tibetan shaving brush with Buddha’s favourite fortune cookies sayings. And don’t even get us started with car commercials. No, seriously, don’t get us started. Better look at these gems we found. More insightful than any fortune cookie. Enjoy!
i love contactless delivery they just throw the slop at your door and i run out like a little pig
— oatmeal influencer (@acechhh) February 11, 2021
If my wife gets her way, my coffin will be completely filled with throw pillows.
— Shade 5 🎬 (@Shade510) February 10, 2021
put my phone on dark mode then it started listening to Radiohead and writing poetry about how no one understands it
— Ella Zee 🌈👑 (@EllaZee5) February 10, 2021
which sex and the city character are you? i’m the city
— soul nate (@MNateShyamalan) February 11, 2021
I'm trying to sell my house and the realtor says that my headless mannequins aren't Feng shui
— Stefan Urquelle (@OfficeofSteve) February 11, 2021
me *hitting on the 22 year old at work* so how long have you worked here
— Andrew (@AndrewsNotFunny) February 10, 2021
Teenagers dislike me so much you'd think I married their dad
— Kari Assad (@kariassad) February 11, 2021
"Wow, you are tight. A lot of stress?"
"Oh jeez, yah. I'm the lead attorney in this case on zoom…" pic.twitter.com/PresRzv8K9
— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) February 10, 2021
My daughter just told me, unprompted, that if I die naked she will dress my corpse
— That Pesky Aubrie (@AubriePesky) February 10, 2021
got a pap smear tomorrow, what should i hide in there to surprise my doctor?
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) February 10, 2021