Good news for all enemies of democracy! Injustice has prevailed and Donald Trump has not been convicted. Though we’re not sure whether this is the result he was going for, considering that his legal defense team basically was a desperate cry for sentencing. But don’t despair, there’s still the hope that Trump failed to meet the conditions of his prenup and didn’t surprise Melania with breakfast at bed this morning. Right now she could be weaving a cage out of the 10,000 gilded roses she was forced to order herself, so maybe Trump is heading for some jail time eventually. We hope your Sunday was more successful than this impeachment proceedings and to make it even better we now give you the Valentine’s edition of our gems of the day!
#1:
its funny when people talk abt their college experience like «i wouldnt trade it for the world»…. i would trade mine for aCostco membership
— dvd 📀 (@diskpix) February 11, 2021
#2:
Ordered balloons for my mummy finishing chemo on Tuesday saying “fuck cancer” and got this this morning🥺🥺🥺 pic.twitter.com/pNjnyZLrgK
— shannon harwood (@shannonhar95) February 11, 2021
#3:
so many bosses have told me some variant on ‘it seems as if you’re only here for the paycheck’ and like. yeah
— rax ‘italian’ king (@RaxKingIsDead) February 13, 2021
#4:
The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off
— T-show💀 (@kiiingsleyy) February 11, 2021
#5:
Hope this king is alright. pic.twitter.com/KlB3veXkN3
— Ramon G (@YoYoRamonShow) February 13, 2021
#6:
yeah I had a major in college. Major depression
— Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) February 7, 2021
#7:
dads be like «go help ur mother» bro go help ur wife
— ʀᴇᴍᴢᴇʟ💫 (@remzel__) February 12, 2021
#8:
why do they still even make porn it’s been done to death. «ohh what’s gonna happen in this one» take a wild fucking guess. idiot
— (sexual) Alexxx Grease (@dodgonkulator) February 11, 2021
#9:
My middle school teacher who yelled that “Wikipedia wasn’t a reliable source” every day is sharing vaccine conspiracy theories on Facebook.
— Jamie Withorne (@jamiewithorne) February 12, 2021
#10:
My wife Lola will be selling her crocheted dolls in the precinct this Saturday, all proceeds to the drop-in-centre. For God’s sake buy one, she’s made 600 of the bloody things. They’re all over the house. Every time I open the airing cupboard it’s like being attacked by Chucky. pic.twitter.com/Qi4iB0uBS5
— Councillor Rowan Battley (@CllrBattley) February 11, 2021
