Did everyone survive Valentine’s Day? Anyone missing? We have a very strict «no person left behind» policy when it comes to our Readers. No one? Awesome! So it’s saturday, time to read a book, order something in and adopt a kitten (just kidding of course. You don’t have to read a book). But perhaps the following Tweets, who knows: you may get inspired. Have fun!
#1:
I am attracted to:
⚪️ men
⚪️ women
🔘 the warm release of death— Doth (@DothTheDoth) February 13, 2020
#2:
Wife Out of Town (Day Four):
It’s like Lord of the Flies in a jungle of dirty dishes. We’re surviving with random plastic utensils from past drive-thrus. I’ve lost the conch shell.— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) February 13, 2020
#3:
Date: I'm a huge rock climber
Me: *mouthful of lasagna* They're called mountains
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) February 14, 2020
#4:
65 million years of evolution has lead me to this gas station searching for the cheapest beer.
— Brother Ben (@SentenceReduced) February 15, 2020
#5:
stranger at the library: can you watch my stuff?
me: pic.twitter.com/rfm3KkLTT2— 𝒔 (@yungsids) February 12, 2020
#6:
gf: please shut the fuck up about big ben
me: sorry
her: it's fine, pass the bong
me: [nervously] you…you know who else likes bongs?
— EAT THE RICH (@fuckjeffbez0s) February 13, 2020
#7:
[mattress store]
Me: This one looks good. Can I test it out?
Salesman: Go ahead
Me: (curls up on mattress and cries)
— Hi, it's Abby. Yep (@abbycohenwl) February 13, 2020
#8:
February 14: I love you more than life itself!
February 15: Quit breathing so loud.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 14, 2020
#9:
SUPERMAN: my nemesis is a billionaire who uses his riches to pursue his personal vendettas instead of helping people on a global scale
BATMAN: *shifts uncomfortably in chair*
— Paul Krueger (@NotLikeFreddy) February 14, 2020
#10:
*single people in their 20s*: we have our whole life ahead of us, a life full of possibilities!
*single people in their 30s*: I have seen generations come and go. I have outlived all my lovers. sit down, child, and I shall tell you about the world when I was young.
— The Library Owl 🎄🎅🦉 (@SketchesbyBoze) February 14, 2020
