Did everyone survive Valentine’s Day? Anyone missing? We have a very strict «no person left behind» policy when it comes to our Readers. No one? Awesome! So it’s saturday, time to read a book, order something in and adopt a kitten (just kidding of course. You don’t have to read a book). But perhaps the following Tweets, who knows: you may get inspired. Have fun!
I am attracted to:
🔘 the warm release of death
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) February 13, 2020
Wife Out of Town (Day Four):
It’s like Lord of the Flies in a jungle of dirty dishes. We’re surviving with random plastic utensils from past drive-thrus. I’ve lost the conch shell.
— Stone (@StoneAgeRadio13) February 13, 2020
Date: I'm a huge rock climber
Me: *mouthful of lasagna* They're called mountains
— Adam Cerious (@Browtweaten) February 14, 2020
65 million years of evolution has lead me to this gas station searching for the cheapest beer.
— Brother Ben (@SentenceReduced) February 15, 2020
stranger at the library: can you watch my stuff?
— 𝒔 (@yungsids) February 12, 2020
gf: please shut the fuck up about big ben
her: it's fine, pass the bong
me: [nervously] you…you know who else likes bongs?
— EAT THE RICH (@fuckjeffbez0s) February 13, 2020
Me: This one looks good. Can I test it out?
Salesman: Go ahead
Me: (curls up on mattress and cries)
— Hi, it's Abby. Yep (@abbycohenwl) February 13, 2020
February 14: I love you more than life itself!
February 15: Quit breathing so loud.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 14, 2020
SUPERMAN: my nemesis is a billionaire who uses his riches to pursue his personal vendettas instead of helping people on a global scale
BATMAN: *shifts uncomfortably in chair*
— Paul Krueger (@NotLikeFreddy) February 14, 2020
*single people in their 20s*: we have our whole life ahead of us, a life full of possibilities!
*single people in their 30s*: I have seen generations come and go. I have outlived all my lovers. sit down, child, and I shall tell you about the world when I was young.
— The Library Owl 🎄🎅🦉 (@SketchesbyBoze) February 14, 2020