IT-Guys will agree. Most problems can be solved by turning things off and on again. Unfortunately this doesn’t work with mondays or weekdays in general. And even if it would, you had to face your 8-hour-workday again from start. That could lead to some kind of groundhog day scenario and although we all love that movie, it would be a shame, because you get the same toptweets every day. Pretty boring, right? So here are 10 unique gems for today!
Remember the shit you loved to do as a kid but stopped once you became an adult?
You’re not supposed to stop.
Start drawing again.
Start writing poetry again.
Start gaming again.
Start collecting baseball cards again.
— T’CHALLA HEAD CHA-LA (@iseeyouugly) February 19, 2020
If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy taken. Happiness comes from drugs, not relationships
— 873 (@monstermike197) February 23, 2020
pls don’t flirt with me im not trying to cheat on my crush who doesn’t like me
— 𝕭 (@thefunnyhun) February 18, 2019
Time for a second round of evolution pic.twitter.com/PuGPs83mTy
— Engineering (@ENGINEERlNGVIDS) February 22, 2020
boss: care to explain the text I got last night?
me: omg I’m so embarrassed, it was autocorrect
boss: autocorrect wrote “fuck you and you’re stupid job”?
me: yeah it’s supposed to say your
— tom (@pilau) February 21, 2020
During my research I interviewed a guy who said he was a libertarian until he did MDMA and realized that other people have feelings, and that was pretty much the best summary of libertarianism I’ve ever heard
— Hilary Agro 🍄 (@hilaryagro) February 16, 2020
boys literally don’t post ANYTHING on social media a guy could be getting married and he’ll only post like the sunset on his story
— rehana (@bhviyan) February 23, 2020
men’s jeans have bigger pockets to help carry all their audacity
— dre (@drdre_olson) February 22, 2020
Fetish porn idea: your love moans your name as they cum. They say they love you and you believe them. You sleep in each others arms and they wake you the next morning with bagel sandwiches. You feel known and you don't mind.
— molly, trash queen (@chainchompist) February 23, 2020
— Bryan Cranston (@BryanCranston) February 20, 2020