Welcome to the Best of Twitter show. We are pleased to welcome you to our educational evening. These speakers are on stage for you today: Kim, with the ultimate example of dog training gone wrong. Katie talks about the important value of using the correct voices while reading to your kid and Nerd Girl gives a lecture about musical animal education.
guy in movie: there's 60 seconds until this bomb destroys half the earth
her: I need you to know. I love you.
[84 seconds of kissing]
her: hurry we only have 20 seconds
[32 seconds of tense disarming]
— Jeb (@LlamaInaTux) February 25, 2020
bro apologize to her…it’s almost her birthday month
— James (@CaucasianJames) February 25, 2020
this dog literally failed every single test thrown at him to become a service dog and i am scream laughing. but imho he’s still a very very good boy. pic.twitter.com/fGdiUbmw5o
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) February 25, 2020
high school really had us drinking milk with hamburgers at 11:30AM
— yung payment plan (@ogneen) February 25, 2020
I have no tolerance for people who refuse to give different voices to characters in a book they’re reading to their kid.
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) February 25, 2020
Me: you’re mad at me?
Wife: no, not even sure why you would say that.
Me: I can tell by the sound of you putting the plates away.
Wife: fuck you and fuck those plates.
Me: there it is.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) February 26, 2020
Doctor: I'm afraid you're dying
Me: And there's no cure?
Doctor: Yes just cut out pizza and chocolate
Me: I can't believe there's no cure
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) February 25, 2020
Aerial from the Little Mermaid has boobs, that would imply that mermaids are mammals, but she is also half fish, which is implying that mermaids come from an egg. Conclusion: mermaids are a type of platypus.
— Shower Thoughts (@TheWeirdWorld) February 25, 2020
mario: I hate you
wario: and I hate you
mario: do you wanna play tennis
wario: lmao hell yeah
— ⚠️maxx⚠️ (@climaxximus) February 25, 2020
For the love of god UNMUTE THIS pic.twitter.com/MA48mit8MX
— Nerd Girl Says (@Rachael_Conrad) February 23, 2020