It’s Saturday and while the spring weather is taking a quick break, so does our motivation to get back to work on Monday. Here we are, clinging to the last 24 hours of the weekend like Baxter, the distant relative from Incestville/Alabama everyone has to his favorite meth pipe, before going back to rehab for the ninth time. Isn’t it great that we are a sophisticated bunch and totally different, let’s have another shot of tequila to that. And while we’re at it, let’s talk about resumes, Johnny Cash and Picasso. Sounds like the start of a really bad joke, but those are some of our gems today and we promise, they’re actually really funny. Enjoy!
Not to brag but I panic everywhere, not just at the disco
— Shenanigans (@Shenanigans_luv) February 24, 2021
he was a boy, she was his mom
can i make it anymore oedipus
— ꧁Madimoiselle꧂ (@drivingmemadi) February 23, 2021
here’s Johnny Cash in his thigh-high boots, in honor of the man’s birthday pic.twitter.com/Ag16rN89I0
— Allison Hussey (@allisonhussey) February 26, 2021
When I check the expiration dates of items at the grocery store that’s purely performative, I have no idea what today’s date is and this information means nothing to me
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) February 26, 2021
I think polyamory is perfect for if you're dating someone and you don't really like them that mucb
— sol 🅾️ 🐓 🌞 (@haircutforboys) February 26, 2021
If you put "based on a true story" at the top of your resume you can basically write whatever you want.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) February 25, 2021
"Sic transit gloria" is Latin for "nice car, Gloria"
— Amy (@cableknitjumper) February 26, 2021
i wonder how often odysseus has to remind people that he's not the guy who had sex with his mom
— hype (@TheHyyyype) February 26, 2021
Sorry, I just got your text from last night. Are you still being buried alive?
— ho baby 😉 (@ThisLocalHater) February 26, 2021
date: I think we’ve actually met before
picasso: sorry I’m not good with faces
— jo (@whatsJo) February 27, 2021