Is everyone still with us? No one in quarantine or feeling sick? Great. Remember to be safe, wash your hands regularly, avoid sneezing in public and so on, we really can’t afford to loose followers at this point. And just in case you prefer to stay at home during this whole virus mess, we were extra busy to find the cutest tweets. One word: Racoon. Oh, and an orangutan! We hope you have fun.
(Who sneezed there?)
I threw old kale under the bird feeder and now the squirrels are doing Pilates and requesting gluten-free cookies.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 28, 2020
[YouTubers have a baby]
*through tears* omg honey look at the content we created
— Kerry on Wayward Son (@EmissaryKerry) February 27, 2020
I never refill the bird feeders without reminding the birds that their end of this bargain is to come to my aid someday when I've foolishly become ensnared in the forest witch's trap.
— Julia Gulia 🌈 (@JRobb773) February 22, 2020
this site is great because you can post “I saw a raccoon in the trash bin” and one person will say “never happened” and a second person will say “raccoons are racist” and a third will say “this tweet is offensive to my mum who got her face eaten off by a raccoon.”
— The Library Owl 🎄🎅🦉 (@SketchesbyBoze) February 25, 2020
My signature looks like a polygraph test when I’m asked how I REALLY feel about hip hop-country crossovers.
— Bison (@FunnyBison) February 28, 2020
unless you’re a frog having 5000 tadpoles, i don’t care about your pregnancy
— nicky the friendly shark (@mostlysharks) February 27, 2020
A guy stopped me in the park and said I was a bad parent so I breast fed 2 geese while looking him in the eye and all the squirrels stood up and clapped.
— ⚜️French Benefits⚜️ (@10kbabyspiders) February 28, 2020
Real quick, anybody know what it means when someone massages their temples every time you’re talking to them?
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) February 27, 2020
My IUD provides me with 99% birth control effectiveness, but my husband’s dirty socks on the floor comes in at an impressive 100%.
— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) February 27, 2020
I just want to have an orangutan sitting next to me in my car that I can say “right turn, Clyde” to and he will punch someone in the face.
— Stacey (@skittle624) January 29, 2020