After watching the Super Bowl half time show, it must have many people including myself self wanting to change their careers. I mean if a 2 yr old can go and support a whole family by selling feet pictures online. I wonder if people would pay me to just sit there and eat their favorite food. Don’t get any crazy ideas now, except checking out our top 10 tweets from today!
#1:
call me climate cause i’m changing 💯
— James (@CaucasianJames) February 4, 2020
#2:
4yo: *crying*
Me: what's wrong?
4yo: my cereal won't smile at me!
Me: look at me
4yo: *still crying*
Me: *pulls 4yo close* are you on drugs?
4yo: I love puppies
Me: ARE YOU HIGH RIGHT NOW?
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) February 3, 2020
#3:
GUY ABOUT TO INVENT COFFEE: what if cocaine was delicious
— Eternal Samnation (@portmanteauface) February 4, 2020
#4:
Guys keep trying to remind me the things I said to them when I was drunk and it’s like what do u not understand.. I do not know that bitch. Never met her. Don’t even know her name. She does what she wants and I don’t interfere
— Alyssa Schoener (@alyssa_schoener) February 2, 2020
#5:
(Son walks in on us.I make it under the covers.Hubs doesn’t)
9: (Half asleep) Dad why are you naked?
Him: Um..uh…I’m just setting my alarm
9: Oh. Okay. G’night. (Walks out)
Me: Really?! You know that a few years from now, he’s going to strip naked to set his alarm, right?
— Kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) February 4, 2020
#6:
God: you’re nocturnal.
Raccoon: what does that mean?
God: you’re active at night.
Raccoon: omg like Batman?
God: no.
Raccoon: oh.
God: you wear a mask.
Raccoon: like Batman : )
God: no not like Batman you live in the trees.
Raccoon: [happy gasp] i’m the Bark Knight!
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) February 4, 2020
#7:
My 2 yo daughter watched the Super Bowl halftime show. She’s now a stripper and selling pictures of her feet online. She’s supporting the entire family and we’ve never been more proud.
— Lexi Brown, PhD (@lexilafleur) February 3, 2020
#8:
*me coming home drunk*
my dog: bark bark bark bark
me: pic.twitter.com/4isbo9PCpX
— rudy mustang (@rudy_mustang) February 3, 2020
#9:
her: take off my bra
me: ok
her: take off my panties
me: wow ok
her: stop wearing my clothes
— 👽 (@clichedout) June 19, 2019
#10:
February 14th .. crying session at my house link up
— luis vercetti 💕 (@97Vercetti) February 2, 2020
